


I Get By With a Little Help from My Friends

by SorryICantBeWhatYouNeed



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anger Management, Anxiety, Bipolar Disorder, Body Dysphoria, Drug Addiction, Eating Disorders, F/M, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Institutions, Past Child Abuse, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-15
Updated: 2017-02-20
Packaged: 2018-03-12 23:29:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 29,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3359312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SorryICantBeWhatYouNeed/pseuds/SorryICantBeWhatYouNeed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a life of abuse Gavin doesn't see a point in living anymore. Until he meets a very persistent ball of rage named Michael.<br/>Geoff swears he was born with a bottle of rum in his hand. Being drunk is the only thing that makes him happy anymore until he meets a girl with a sex addiction.<br/>Ryan didn't mean to get addicted to drugs, he didn't. But then he went to a party and okay, they looked like sweet tarts and how was he supposed to know?  He can barely function without some sort of drug now, until he meets Ray.<br/>Jack's been bipolar for awhile, his emotions are like the seasons, always changing. The meds calm him, but the pretty girl with anxiety calms him more.<br/>Ray hates eating, he hates looking in the mirror, but mostly he hates himself. After a life of being told he was too big, his image of himself is completely shot. He's never felt special in his entire life. Until he meets Ryan. Too bad he doesn't believe in love.<br/>Michael pretty much hates everything and everyone around him. Until he meets a quiet boy with soft hair and a pretty accent. That's someone he can stand to be around.<br/>They all just need the one thing they're too afraid to accept. Help.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, so this is my second fic and I'm really excited for you guys to read it. If any of the things tagged may be a trigger for you please do not read it. Any and all comments are appreciated and yeah... enjoy... or don't, up to you really.

“Hey Lindsay,” Geoff called to the red headed girl in blue scrubs. She made eye contact with him from across the room and excused herself from Dr. Burns.

“Yes Geoff?” she asked as she reached the table of four boys.

“Who’s the new kid?” he asked nodding his head toward the table in the corner of the room where a pale boy with feathery hair sat alone.

“His names Gavin,” she told him.

“What’s he in for?” he asked looking at her but looking away when she glared.

“You know I can’t tell you that,” she scolded.

“Yeah I know,” he sighed. He thanked the nurse in training for her help and let her get back to checking on the other patients.

“Should we go sit with him?” Ryan asked beginning to pick up his tray.

“I don’t know, should we?” Geoff asked looking around the table at the other two boys. Jack smiled and jumped up already beginning to make his way over. _So today was a good day_. Ray shrugged and began picking up his plates before following his friends.

The poor boy, Gavin, looked terrified when they sat down, his green eyes were wide in fear and his mouth was set in a permanent frown. Up close Geoff could see dark purple bruises peeking out from the collar of his black sweatshirt that nearly swallowed him.

“Don’t worry kid, we aren’t here to hurt ya,” Geoff told him sitting in the seat directly next to the new kid. He had sparkly eyes and perfect teeth, he stared at Gavin and waited for him to acknowledge them. He nodded once and set his gaze back to the table. _Better than nothing,_ Geoff thought.

“I’m Geoff,” he said holding out his hand for a fist bump. Gavin jumped back when he saw the closed fist, but said nothing. The other boy quickly pulled his hand away and kept it by his side.

“I’m Ryan,” the blond spoke up across from him. He had big blue eyes and a broad frame.

“Jack,” a ginger haired man grinned, he was bigger than the others and had a wider smile than all of them combined probably.

“Ray,” the black haired boy whispered from the other side of the newbie. He was thin, like really thin, and had dark bags under his eyes and the skin around his neck was unusually red.

When Gavin made no attempt to speak up, Geoff sighed bumping his shoulder against Gavin’s, who again jumped away from the contact. “Look kid, you might as well tell us now if befriending you is a lost cause or not,” Geoff told him, the boy looked up quickly and took a deep breath.

“I’m Gavin,” he said looking at each of them before turning back to the table. Geoff was surprised by his accent but nodded in approval.

“There we go,” Geoff smiled. “Welcome man. Always nice to meet a newbie,” Gavin nodded but didn’t make any attempt to speak up.

“Made any friends yet?” Jack asked leaning closer. Gavin leaned back and shook his head. “Don’t worry, we gotcha,” he said then and Gavin tried to smile, he did, but it just wasn’t coming.

“Here, we’ll give you the run down,” Geoff said nodding to Ryan and Ray for encouragement.

“Yeah, uh,” Ryan started, “stay away from all the kids at that table over there,” he said gesturing to a table in the far corner of the room. Gavin looked at them quizzically before shrugging.

“They’re grade A pricks,” Geoff explained and Gavin nodded in understanding.

“Ray? Anything to add?” Geoff asked looking at the quietest of the group, aside from Gavin now.

“Just, take your meds, don’t get into fights, participate in group sessions and you’ll be out of here soon,” he mumbled. Gavin nodded and then the nurses were standing in the middle of the room and raising one hand in the air waiting for the chattering to stop.

“Okay guys,” Barbara, a nurse in training, began, “today we're gonna give you some down time before group. So you guys are free to go to the common room, or your dorms. You guys have two hours, and when the bell goes off I expect all of you to go to your group rooms, alright?” she asked looking at everyone around the room.

There were a few scattered cheers and then the sound of chairs scraping against the floor as patients began to filter out of the room. As the five boys began to stand up Lindsay was making her way over and smiling at them all.

“Gavin, I’m gonna take you to your room okay?” she asked. The British boy nodded and stepped closer to her. “Ray? You hardly ate; you know what hap-“ she began but the black haired boy cut her off.

“I know,” he sighed. “I’ll go now,” he said beginning to stand up. If a patient wouldn’t eat, they’d have to go to solo therapy and they’d be fed through a tube. Especially Ray, who had been there for almost a month now and knew the rules better than most. He had already had to go through that process three times.

“Barbara can stay with you while you finish,” her blue eyes pleaded with him to accept the offer.

“I-“ he looked at his friends who were all nodding at him to stay and eat. “Okay,” he whispered. Lindsay smiled at him and called the blonde over, telling her to give Ray an extra few minutes.

Geoff, Ryan, and Jack told him they’d see him soon and waved goodbye to Gavin and Lindsay who turned the oppsite way.

“They’re harmless,” she told him as they walked down a long hallway with doors on each side. He nodded as he attempted to keep up with her long strides.

“Look, I know this is hard as hell,” she started as they came to a door near the end of the hallway, “but you’re gonna be okay, especially with people like Geoff, Ryan, Ray, and Jack around. They’re good guys, I promise,” she said. She opened the door and revealed a small room with one bed and a small dresser and his duffle bag from earlier that morning was on top of the bed.

“This is your room, now because of there being so many people here you got lucky with a single room,” she explained. He stepped in and hesitantly sat on the bed.

“How long have they been here?” he asked her, she looked confused for a minute before a small smile spread across her features.

“Not too long,” she shrugged. She told him how the rest of the day would go, before she offered to lead him to the common room.

The walk to the other side of the building was mostly silent between the two except for when Lindsay was pointing out something new. So Gavin took the opportunity to observe the area around him.

When they passed the cafeteria they were faced with more dorm rooms; a few rooms that Lindsay told him were used for group therapy sessions. Eventually a large room that had teenagers scattered all around in various places came into view. There were many book shelves, a small table covered in board and card games and many circular tables. He noticed that one of the tables was occupied by the boys he had met not even twenty minutes earlier. Even Ray was there and engaged in what they were doing. There was also a small area with a carpet, a small couch, a few recliners, and a small TV. Lindsay told him that it was pretty much first come first serve in here.

Before Gavin could make his way over to the bookshelves he heard his name being called and turned to see Geoff waving him over. He looked at Lindsay for help, but she was only nodding in encouragement. He glared at her but was met with an equally menacing gaze. When she nodded at him he took a deep breath and shuffled over, while most of the eyes in the room were on him. He hated being the new kid.

“Wanna help us with this thing?” Geoff asked. Gavin looked down to see multiple puzzle pieces clustered on the table. Gavin looked at the box and saw that the 500 pieces strewn about were supposed to form a lovely forest scene. The box showed trees covered in leaves, flowers blooming along the bottom, and a nest in one tree in the corner with some white eggs in it. He shrugged and sat down.

They were maybe half of the way done, having been content in the silence when Jack decided to break it. “So what’re you in for?” he asked Gavin causing the Brit to startle. Gavin dropped the piece he had been holding and leaned back in his seat staring at his shoes under the table.

“Jack, what the fuck man?” Ray asked, surprising all of them.

“Sorry,” he sighed, “I don’t really have a filter,” he explained to Gavin reaching toward him. Gavin jumped back away from him and closer to Geoff who glared at the ginger haired man.

“Look, there’s Caiti,” Ryan told him nodding to a small girl with short brown hair that had just entered the room.

“Yeah, go bug her,” Ray told him studying the pieces in front of him before placing two pieces together to form a small red flower.

Jack smiled at them and quickly jumped out of his seat quickly making his way over to the girl. She smiled softly at him and made her way to the hundreds of books along the wall. Jack followed her moving his hands sporadically, telling her some stupid story probably.

“Sorry about him,” Geoff told Gavin, who merely shrugged.

“When he’s up, he’s up,” Ryan said. Gavin’s eyebrows scrunched up in confusion.

“He’s bipolar,” Geoff started, “when he’s having a really good day he just kinda,” Geoff thought for a minute before shrugging.

“Has no filter?” Gavin offered.

“Yeah!” Geoff exclaimed, smiling at him. “He just gets too excited and curious and doesn’t really realize that he’s being insensitive, or awkward, or rude, etcetera,” Geoff explained.

Gavin nodded and then a loud bell was ringing throughout the building and everyone was frantically cleaning up. Geoff called to Lindsay, and told her they’d be returning to their masterpiece after dinner. She gave the okay and watched them file out.

Lindsay waited for Gavin to get up before leading him back down the hallway to a door that was open and had many kids walking in and settling in chairs that formed a small circle in the center of the room.

“This is your group session room. Everyone in here has something in common with you,” she said softly.

“Meaning they all tried to kill themselves,” he said blandly. She sighed, but didn’t deny it.

“You can trust them,” she ended up saying before urging him into the room and saying she’d meet him after. He sighed as he made his way into the room. He ended up sitting next to a girl with short black hair and hazel eyes. They didn’t speak to each other at all. No one did.

“Morning guys,” a man in a white coat with short curly brown hair greeted as he sat.

“Hello, Dr. Burns,” a few kids said, most remained quiet.

“We have a new friend with us today, everyone say hello to Gavin,” he said gesturing to Gavin. The girl next to him looked at him briefly before turning back to the floor. Everyone else gave half hearted hellos or waves before turning back to their therapist.

“So Gavin, this is how we do things around here,” Dr. Burns began, “we start each session off talking about how we’re feeling today. Then depending on the answers we move from there okay?” he asked. Gavin shrugged and nodded.

He began across the room with a girl named Emily who had immediately started with the fact that she felt horrible. When asked why she told everyone in the room that she was feeling worthless and wanted to be dead. She said she had wished that her mother didn’t find her before she could pull the trigger.

Gavin listened intently, curling further into himself with each word she spoke. Gavin scratched at his arms and wrists as the burning sensation took over. It was like all his scars were burning bright red, and he was worried everyone would see them shining through his thick hoodie. The urge to find something sharp was so strong, he wanted to rush out of the room and just, get rid of the pain. It had only been four days since he’d been found in his bedroom, four days since he last opened himself up, and let the blood flow down his arms. He wanted her to shut up. He needed her to shut up.

He was so caught up on his pain that he didn’t even notice Dr. Burns speaking to her and comforting her before turning to the next patient.

“Arryn,” the girl next to Gavin shot up, sitting straight. “Would you like to go next?” he asked.

“I’m Arryn,” she said, mainly for Gavin, “I feel… okay? I guess,” she said.

“How did you sleep?” Dr. Burns asked.

“I only had one nightmare,” she shrugged, some of the other kids smiled encouragingly at her.

“That’s definitely something to celebrate,” Arryn smiled before looking back down.

“Jon?” a boy with shaggy brown hair looked at him with lifeless eyes.

“I feel like shit,” he stated bluntly.

“Why’s that?”

“I just don’t see a point in you keeping us here, we’ve been here for months and none of us are any closer to leaving. Obviously we’ve got depression, and it’s not going away no matter how many drugs you pump into us. So stop trying and let us take shit into our own hands,” he ranted. The other kids around him looked down and avoided the doctors headed gaze. He attempted to make eye contact with everyone in the room, but only Gavin was looking back.

“Gavin, any thoughts on what Jon’s saying?” Jon’s blue eyes shifted over to Gavin looking expectant. When Gavin shook his head Dr. Burns leaned closer.

“Nothing at all? No agreement or disagreement? Do you think being here is pointless?” he grilled.

“Seems pretty pointless,” Gavin whispered.

“Why?” Burns pushed.

“It just does,” he deflected. He didn’t want his first day to go like this, and he could feel the gazes of everyone else in the room pouring into him.

“Yes, but why do you feel that way?”

“None of us want to be here. If we attempted to off ourselves then it should be obvious we don’t want help from people who only care about us so they get paid each week." Arryn looked at him with wide eyes, Jon looked impressed and Dr. Burns looked thoughtful.

“I’m sorry you feel that way Gavin but-“ Gavin tuned him out at that point, he honestly didn’t care what this man had to say.

He didn’t need to be here, he needed to be dead.

~~~

“Griffon, your turn,” Dr. Sorola said. The girl looked up and smirked.

“I didn’t have sex with anyone last night, so I guess that’s progress,” she joked. A few chuckles were heard throughout the room but Sorola was not impressed.

“Griffon, this is serious, you have a real problem when it comes to unsafe sex,” he stated. She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest.

“I like to screw people. So what? Sex is normal for kids my age, yeah I do it a lot, and it doesn’t mean anything, but I’m on the pill and always use protection. I don’t see why I need to be in a mental hospital though,” she snarked.

Sorola sighed; it was the same fight every day with her. She was a difficult person in group, but in solo sessions she was calmer and more open.

“Geoff?” the doctor asked. “How are you today?”

“I wish I had a drink in my hand, but for the most part I’m fine,” he shrugged before looking at the pretty girl by the window.

Geoff stared at her every day since she had gotten there three weeks ago. He was captivated by her, her attitude, piercings, but mostly her smile. Ryan had warned him countless times though, that he’d only be hurt in the end. She had an addiction to meaningless sex. No way in hell that was gonna work. Michael would’ve kicked his ass if he was still there, but the bastard got out a week before Griffon arrived.

“Okay,” Sorola nodded. “Ryan?”

“Today’s been okay so far,” the boy shrugged. Ryan didn’t like to talk about his addiction in front of a bunch of strangers, even if one was a friend. And Sorola knew that, which is why he nodded and moved onto the next person.

Geoff stared at Griffon some more, while Ryan shook his head next to him. Suddenly though, Griffon did something she never did before. She looked at Geoff and stared back.

And when Geoff smiled at her, she smiled too.

~~~

“Ray? I heard you had some trouble this morning at breakfast,” Ashley said. Dr. Jenkins wasn’t like the other doctors. She hated her patients using the title, she preferred to take a more personal approach and let them talk to her as they would any friend. She let them swear or rant, and rarely interrupted them.

“Yeah,” he whispered, “there was a new kid, and we all wanted to go meet him,” he shrugged.

“So you couldn’t eat?” she asked tilting her head.

“I guess I just got distracted with the new kid, and I just. I didn’t think about it really,” he shrugged.

“Okay,” she said slowly. “And did you do what we discussed at our last session,” she asked before she looked away from Ray, “did any of you do it?” she looked at everyone else in the room.

“I did,” Miles announced from next to Ray, patting the smaller boy on the back.

The assignment they were given two days prior had been to look in the mirror and list three things they liked about their appearance. Everyone knew most of them wouldn’t really do it.

“Okay great!” Ashley exclaimed. “What did you come up with?” she asked. Miles was the best patient in the group; he was always involved and was quickly getting better. At this rate he should’ve been leaving in only a few weeks.

“I like my nose, I like my eyes, and I like my freckles,” he listed. Ashley smiled at him and clapped when he was finished.

“Excellent Miles! I’m proud of you, I’m sure we all are,” she said looking around the room and sending pointed looks at the other teenagers. They either clapped or smiled supportingly at him.

Ray sighed and leaned back in his seat waiting for the session to be over. He had never made Ashley proud, and at this rate he wouldn’t be leaving for a very long time. He scratched at his neck, a nervous habit he had.

He hated eating; he hated the way he looked after. He didn’t understand why they couldn’t see him as he really was. He was huge, and they still forced him to eat every day, they barely let him into the gym, and they didn’t let him go to the bathroom after any meal for at least an hour.

He hated this place.

~~~

“Jack you seem happy today,” Dr. Heyman pointed out. Jack smiled at him and nodded.

“I don’t know what it is doc, but I feel great,” he was practically bouncing in his seat. Joel nodded and turned to the girl sitting next to him.

Some days Jack hated things. He hated everything around him and didn’t want to speak to anyone. And some days he loved life, he loved those around him and loved being there to talk to them. Today was one of those days. He woke up feeling ready for the day, took his morning pill without any fuss and started his day with food and his best friends. He loved life.

Then he met the new kid and instantly loved him too. He was quiet and mysterious, but Jack had a good feeling about him. Jack felt ready to take on the world today.

He even got to see Caiti in the common room, which was pretty rare. Normally she stayed locked up in her room, unless she needed a new book to read, in that case she’d  make her way to the common room where Jack could catch her and sit with her. He really liked her, her soft hair and small smile when he made her laugh. And he somehow managed to make her laugh almost every day. He never really saw her talking with anyone other than him, which he took great pride in.

He was pulled from his thoughts when Dr. Heyman announced that the session was over and he was really proud of them all for their hard work. He told them that he’d see them all in two days and then they were leaving.

Jack made his way back to the cafeteria for lunch where he found Geoff and Ryan already in their seats with trays in front of them.

“Hey,” he greeted sitting down. They said their hellos and waited for Ray and Gavin to join them. Ray was quick as usual, getting a tray and setting it in front of him, but hardly touching it. Eventually Gavin stumbled into the room looking like a lost puppy before Geoff was out of his seat and making his way across the room to him.

“Hey man, you gonna sit with us?” he asked the skittish boy.

“You don’t have to pity me Geoff,” he said, and it was filled with such venom that Geoff almost stepped back.

“It’s not pity, we’re all here for something, and I just want you to have friends while you’re here,” he said stepping closer. Gavin stepped away but nodded, dropping the subject for now.

Once they were all seated at the table with their trays, the conversation flowed easily. Gavin and Ray hardly spoke, just listening and humming in agreement every once in a while. Ray managed to eat a little under half of his meal which was a struggle in itself for the small boy, but was enough for the nurses to let him go to the common room.

Since it was Gavin’s first day he had to report to solo therapy as soon as lunch was over.

Following Lindsay down the long hallway felt like he was walking to the electric chair honestly. She led him to a little room with a plaque that read _Dr. Burns_ on it. She told him that it would probably take an hour and then he could return to the common room for a bit before they did their daily activities. He knocked softly on the door and waited only a second before it was being opened by the man he had just had group with an hour before.

“Gavin, come in,” he said closing the door behind him and gesturing to the chair across from him. “Since this is our first meeting it will pretty much just be a little get to know each other thing,” he explained. Gavin nodded and waited for him to say more.

“So I’m Burnie Burns, I’ve been working here for ten years. I love my job and my patients, and no I don’t care about them just to get paid,” he said pointedly. _Shit, he remembered that_. Gavin nodded and sighed as he took his cue to start speaking.

“I’m Gavin, I moved here about four years ago after my parents divorced,” he shrugged. “I don’t really know what else to say,” he admitted.

“How were you in school? What subjects did you like and dislike?” he asked.

“I did pretty shit if I’m being honest,” he told him. “I like English and science, but I hate history and suck at anything to do with art,” he said. Dr. Burns smiled and nodded.

They spent the next twenty minutes talking about interests like video games, movies, or slow motion cinematography. Gavin was fairly surprised that Dr. Burns and he actually shared the same taste in music and movies. He was even beginning to get more comfortable with his doctor.

It didn’t last long though.

“Now’s the part of the meeting where we dive into your emotions,” he said apologetically.

“You get right to the point don’t you,” Gavin sassed.

“We only have so much time Gavin, and I want to get to know as much about you as I can. So I can be more prepared next time,” he explained.

“Whatever,” he mumbled leaning back in his chair.

Burns sighed but continued on, “when did the suicidal thoughts begin?”

“Don’t you have a file somewhere that says everything about me or some crap?” Gavin countered.

“I have a file from the hospital that states what happened four days ago that ended with you in the hospital. I want your side of the story though,” he said.

“Four years ago,” he stated.

“So around when you moved?” Dr. Burns asked.

“Yes,” Gavin shrugged.

“Did you not adjust well?”

“When my mom left my dad started drinking,” he said.

“Was he abusive?” Dr. Burns asked leaning on his desk.

“It should all be in my file,” Gavin grumbled.

“Gavin-“ he started but a knock came on the door and in walked the other nurse in training, Gavin remembered her name was Barbara.

“I’m so sorry to interrupt Burnie, but Emily isn’t doing so well,” she said stepping aside to reveal the girl from earlier. The one that almost made Gavin lose it. She had tears running down her face and she was shaking. Gavin quickly stood and let her sit down.

“Gavin, I’m sorry to cut this so short, maybe tomorrow?” he asked. Gavin shrugged and followed Barbara out.

“I’m really sorry kid,” she said.

“You’re not much older than me I bet. And it’s not kid, my name is Gavin,” he snarled. She smiled at him and nodded.

“I’m sorry Gavin, I’m Barbara. I like you,” she said wiggling her finger at him once before asking if he knew where he was going. He told her he was going to his room and left without waiting for a response. He knew she was following him to make sure he got there without getting lost, or running off to hurt himself. When he made it there safely, he made eye contact with her for a moment before shutting the door in her face. She smiled to herself as she walked away from his room to go find Lindsay.

When Barbara found the red head getting coffee in the café she was met with an excited face.

“What’s up?” she asked confused.

“Guess who’s coming back tonight?” she squealed. Barbara knew exactly who the minute Lindsay finished speaking.

“Already?” she was amazed.

“Yeah, something stupid too, but everything’s better when he’s here,” she said. Barbara knew Lindsay had a soft spot in her heart for the boy who had been in and out two times already. He was always lively and snarky and gave everyone a hard time, and honestly it was always fucking hilarious.

“Can’t wait,” Barbara cheered.

~~~

The rest of the day passed slowly, Jack had solo therapy with Dr. Heyman, and when he came back his eyes found Caiti instantly. He was by her side almost instantly at the small table in the corner of the room. Asking her about her book and how her day was. She was always a little hesitant at first, but eventually she opened up when she realized that he was genuinely interested. Eventually he had calmed down as well and they would just sit in silence as she read and he watched her with a smile on his face.

Ray, Geoff, Ryan, and Gavin were still working on their puzzle from that morning when Nurse Dayton arrived and announced that it was gym day. Cheers and groans sounded throughout the room and then they were all rushing out the doors and down the hall. Gavin followed closely behind Geoff and Ryan, making sure not to get too close to anyone else.

“What’s so good about the gym?” he asked Ray once they were down there.

“Normally only the anger management patients get to use it, the rest of us get it maybe once or twice a week,” he explained. “It’s a good stress reliever, wanna run with me?” he asked gesturing to the treadmills on the far right. Gavin shrugged and followed him over.

“You might wanna take off the sweatshirt. You’ll get hot really soon,” Ray suggested, but Gavin quickly wrapped his arms around himself and Ray knew it was a sensitive subject.

“I’ll be fine,” he said turning the machine on and stepping onto it. Ray nodded and did the same.

The rest of their time on the treadmills was spent in silence, each of them focusing on running. Not even a full half hour after they started a blonde lady was walking over to them and turning Ray’s machine off.

“Why don’t you go do something else now,” she suggested pointing to the weights in the corner. Ray sulked but dragged himself over to them. She followed him and handed him two five pound weights before walking away feeling proud of herself.

Gavin noticed how embarrassed the boy was, and noticing how hot he had been getting, quickly followed Ray and sat beside him on the bench. He picked up two three pound weights and started curling them the same way Ray was.

“You don’t have to,” the other boy grunted. Gavin said nothing, just continued to lift the small weights. He didn’t look up so he missed the grateful smile Ray sent him.

Almost two hours later they were excused to go to their rooms and change and freshen up before dinner. Gavin had just put a new shirt on when someone was knocking on his door. He threw his sweatshirt on and opened it to find Geoff and Jack standing there holding a deck of Uno cards.

“Uno in Jack’s room?” Geoff asked sounding hopeful.

“Sure?” Gavin said unsure.

“Great!” Jack cheered turning and beginning to walk down the hall. Gavin followed them and found that Jack’s room was only five doors down from Gavin’s. It also turned out that Ryan was his roommate.

Ray and Ryan were sitting on the floor already and both smiled when they saw that Gavin had decided to join them. When Gavin went to close the door behind him Geoff stuck a hand out and stopped him.

“Door has to stay open if we have people other than our roommates with us,” he explained. Gavin nodded and left it open, sitting next to Ray on the floor. He didn’t speak much as they played. Just placed cards down and waited. He only spoke when he had one card so he could whisper ‘Uno.’

They played a few rounds before another bell rang and the other boys began to stand up. “Dinner time,” Ryan explained when he saw Gavin’s confused look.

“Oh,” Gavin said following them out of the room and down the hall.

Gavin wasn’t really listening to much of their conversation. He was more focused on Lindsay and Barbara who kept staring at the door anxiously. He wondered what they were looking for.

Soon Lindsay and Barbara had wide smiles on their faces as they ran out of the cafeteria and into the hallway. They returned shortly with a short boy between them.

“Holy shit,” Geoff said under his breath, but he was smiling so it couldn’t be too bad Gavin assumed.

“Already?” Ray asked laughing.

“Apparently,” Jack answered.

“Who is it?” Gavin asked.

No one answered because soon Lindsay and Barbara were leading the person right over to their table. Gavin was met with curly reddish-brown hair, brown eyes, and freckles. Lots of freckles. He had the biggest smile as he greeted Ray, Ryan, Jack, and Geoff, his dimples nearly splitting his face in two. If Gavin thought Jack had a big smile, this boy was clearly the new winner. The boy met Gavin’s gaze and froze, the smile wiping off his face almost instantly. Gavin looked down, feeling bad for taking the boys happiness, before a chair was scraping up next to him and the boy was sitting in it.

“I’m Michael,” the boy greeted with a soft smile. He extended a hand out to Gavin ignoring the slightly panicked looks the other boys were shooting them.

“I’m Gavin,” he responded. He made no move to accept Michael’s hand, but the hand never dropped.

“Come on man, don’t leave me hanging. You don’t wanna see me angry, trust me,” he said jokingly, Gavin looked up and caught Geoff’s eye and knew there was some truth to the words.

Slowly he stuck his hand out and let Michael’s larger one wrap around his, shaking up and down twice before letting go. He quickly brought his arms around himself.

He didn’t look up again for the rest of dinner, so he missed the slightly proud looks Lindsay and Barbara gave him. He missed the approving nod from Geoff, but mostly he missed the grin that Michael gave him. The smile didn’t leave the redheads face for the rest of dinner.

“So why are you back so soon?” Ryan asked him.

“I got in a fight at some club,” he shrugged.

“Oh god, how bad does the other guy look?” Geoff chuckled.

“He went to the emergency room,” Michael announced, sounding proud of himself. And nope, Gavin couldn’t be there any longer. Not next to someone so violent, Gavin knew what happened when he was around violent people, and it never ended well for him.

Gavin quickly stood from the table and found Lindsay, begging her if he could please go back to his room for the rest of the night. Lindsay took in the panicked look he sent her and nodded telling him it was fine this time, but in the future the doctors would want to see him interacting more. She also told him that sometimes they’d have special night activities like movies or some crap. Gavin nodded and shut the door as she walked away.

Was he still pissed at Dan for finding him? Yes. Was he still mad that he was here? Hell yes.

Was his first day anything like he expected it to be? Not at all.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow.  
> Thank you all so much for the amazing feedback and support of this story after only the first chapter, it means a lot.  
> I hope you all enjoy this chapter as much as the last one. Also again, I'm using Matt and Jeremy as the jerks, I love them I promise, I just picked them cause why not.  
> Hope to hear from some of you soon!  
> TW: Nightmare involving child abuse. Talk of non consensual sexual activities.

_"Where are you, you lazy piece of shit!” Gavin jumped up from his spot on the floor and began running down the hall, into the first room he could find. He hid under the bed and held his breath._

_He was drinking again. That, Gavin knew for sure, what he was mad about this time was a mystery as always. Gavin gasped as he heard thumping coming up the stairs, the floor boards were creaking and the lights in the hallway flickered on._  
  
_“Gavin! Get out here now!” his voice boomed as he kicked the bedroom door open. Gavin bit his knuckle to avoid making noise._  
  
_Gavin couldn’t remember the first time this happened, it had been so long, with so many bruises and so much pain since that he had lost track. He stepped into the room eyes scanning the whole of it before landing on the bed. He smirked._  
  
_“There you are,” he said menacingly, his big brown boots stopping at the foot of the bed. His knees hit the ground before his hand was reaching under and grabbing Gavin’s arm._  
  
_He didn't know how he always found him, not matter where Gavin hid he always found him. And always hit him harder for even trying to avoid it. He tried batting him away, tried pushing his grip off of him, but he was too weak. He was ripped from his hiding place and thrown carelessly into the door._  
  
_“Were you actually trying to hide from me?” he smirked. “Useless,” he laughed. His hand was reaching for Gavin again, but this time it was a closed fist flying right toward his face an-_  
  
Gavin bolted upright in his bed, breathing heavy and sweating in his thick black sweatshirt. He reached up and touched his right cheek, right under his eye. He could still feel the sting, could still see the venomous look in his eyes as he pulled his fist back and brought it down harder every time. He had bruises for weeks after that night, the teachers didn’t ask, they never did.  
  
He was too hot; it felt like he was being suffocated. He ripped his sweatshirt off and threw it across the room; it hit the wall with a dull thump before landing on the floor. Even with just his thin t-shirt on it was just too hot. He ripped that off too, thankful for the cool air that hit his stomach, still covered in cuts and bruises.  
  
He finally gained control of his breathing and took slow deep breaths until he could focus on the light coming from the hallway. He turned the lamp on the bedside table on and winced at the bright light. He rubbed at his eyes before he remembered the thick gauze still wrapped around his arms. Elbows to wrists covered in itchy white fabric.  
  
_Probably time to change them anyway_ , Gavin thought as he began unraveling them. Thin white scars glared back at him, but he didn’t pay much attention to them, he was more focused on the angry red lines that ran vertically down his arms. The stitches still fresh from only days before, tiny black lines weaved in. Before Gavin could dwell longer, a loud bell rang throughout the building; telling them it was time to start the day. God he hated this place.  
  
He quickly changed the wrapping and threw on a sweater before making his way into the hallway, towards the cafeteria. He wasn’t expecting to be greeted with the sight of everyone in two long lines; he had come a little late to breakfast the day before so he had missed this.  
  
Lindsay found him quickly and explained that every morning he’d have to take a little white pill before breakfast. He nodded and let her lead him over to the shorter line. He was grateful that she stayed with him until he was done with the process. He gave his name and swallowed the pill before Lindsay told him he had to open his mouth and prove that it was gone.  
  
Once it was over Lindsay led him to the food line, staying by his side until he was out. He scanned the cafeteria quickly and saw that the five boys he had met yesterday were all sitting together by the window. Luckily they hadn’t noticed him yet and the room was big enough that he could easily make his way to the far corner. There were a few smaller tables with only two chairs instead of four.  
  
“You aren’t gonna sit with your friends?” Lindsay asked as she followed behind him.  
  
“They aren’t my friends,” he told her bluntly. She looked shocked, quickly looking back at their table before back at Gavin.  
  
“Did they do something to you?” she asked lowly, her eyes burning intensely. She reached out to place a comforting hand on his arm only for him to shrink away.  
  
“No no,” the Brit quickly shook his head.  
  
“Then why not? I thought you were all getting along, even Michael seemed to like ya, and he rarely likes people on the first day,” she joked. At the mention of the redhead Gavin curled further into himself, something that Lindsay didn’t notice.  
  
“They didn’t mean it,” was his eventual response. Lindsay stared at him quizzically before sitting across from him.  
  
“What makes you think that?” she inquired.  
  
“Look, I don’t need any friends here. I don’t _want_ any friends here,” he snapped. Lindsay leaned back and raised an eyebrow.  
  
“Getting help is always easier with friends,” she told him.  
  
“Lindsay,” he began warningly, “I don’t need help, and I don’t need friends,” he said again. She held her hands up defensively and stood up.  
  
“If you change your mind, they’ll still take you,” she smiled encouragingly.  
  
“Whatever,” he rolled his eyes. Lindsay made her way across the cafeteria, leaving Gavin in peace.  
  
It was short lived.  
  
“You the new freak?” a deep voice asked. A tall boy with glasses and long hair sat in the seat Lindsay had previously occupied.  
  
“Attempted suicide right?” a different boy with a shaved head asked, pulling another chair up. When Gavin didn’t answer they both smirked at each other.  
  
“Too good to talk to us?” the first boy asked.  
  
“Yeah, don’t be a little bitch,” his friend laughed. Gavin winced at that one; it brought back too many memories of _him_. Still Gavin didn’t respond, and it seemed to make the other two angry.

When the first one slammed his hands down on the table and leaned closer, Gavin jumped and wrapped his arms around his waist. The boy opened his mouth to speak, but was stopped when a third voice entered the fray.  
  
“Bragg, Dooley, I’ve missed you two,” Michael said as he stepped up between them. He placed a hand on both of their shoulders; his knuckles turning white, and Gavin knew he must’ve been squeezing hard.  
  
“Jones? Back so soon?” the first one, Bragg, asked.  
  
“You know it,” Michael grinned. “Now I know you two weren’t giving our buddy Gavin here a hard time,” he stated just as Lindsay and Barbara came rushing over.  
  
“Is there a problem here boys?” Barbara asked glaring at them.  
  
“No no, just welcoming the new kid,” Dooley said. Barbara rolled her eyes.  
  
“Matt, Jeremy, why don’t you two go back to your tables and finish breakfast, yeah?” Lindsay suggested. The two nodded and quickly began making their way across the room. Gavin let out a breath when they were gone, but froze again when he saw Michael staring at him expectantly.  
  
“You coming or not?” he asked, and Gavin, not wanting to make him upset, quickly stood up. Michael picked his tray up for him and started walking, leaving the Brit no choice but to follow. Once they were half way over he saw that the other boys had also noticed the little scene and were watching Gavin closely.  
  
“Don’t know why you would sit over there all by yourself in the first place,” Michael said as he set his tray down in front of the seat next to his. Gavin shrugged as he sat; avoiding the concerned looks the others were giving him.  
  
“Well, now you know who to avoid,” Jack joked. No one laughed.  
  
“Matt and Jeremy,” Ryan shook his head, “resident assholes,” he said.  
  
Gavin nodded, but offered nothing to the conversation. Not with Michael sitting so close to him, leg pressed against Gavin’s. _He’s too close_ , Gavin thought as he slowly shifted in his seat so his body would be further away. He got a few looks from the others every time he shifted his seat further back, but no one commented.  
  
~~~  
  
As if things weren’t annoying enough, he definitely wasn’t prepared for a certain redhead that had made it his mission to stay as close as possible. He sat next to Gavin everywhere they went, almost completely against the small boy until he'd managed to lean away or leave. Eventually though the nurses would do checks of the bathrooms and rooms to make sure everyone was accounted for meaning that Gavin had to go back. This being his second day and all, they easily believed him when he'd say he was lost. Well, most of them did, Ray was the most observant of the group, and he kept sending glances Gavin’s way.  
  
Eventually nurse Dayton arrived and announced that the day’s group activity would be arts and crafts. _What are we, five?_ Gavin rolled his eyes at the thought. They entered the cafeteria where they were each given a tiny wooden box and told to decorate it however they wanted. Gavin followed the boys over to their usual table where markers and paints were laid out for them to use. Again, Michael sat himself right next to Gavin who attempted to scoot closer to Ray only for Michael to lean closer to him every time. He seemed to be ignoring how Gavin was clearly trying to get away, curling away each time Michael came closer. The Brit didn’t know what his fucking problem was, so eventually he decided to avoid Michael all together, he didn’t look at or acknowledge him.  
  
Geoff decided to paint his red and yellow, hell he even threw gold glitter on it, laughing the entire time. Michael stuck to reds and oranges’ making the whole box look like it was on fire, he made sure to lean over and show it to Gavin every few minutes. Not that the Brit paid him any mind. Ryan stuck with different shades of blues keeping it simple. Jack first painted the entire box green, then waited for it to dry before adding little trees and flowers, waited for that to dry and then added glitter everywhere. Gavin guessed it was probably for Caiti. Ray used different shades of purple, keeping it easy like Ryan. The nurses were all for keeping it simple it seemed, until they saw Gavin’s. Apparently painting the whole box black wasn’t acceptable as he was reprimanded twice before he gave in and drew a red line around it. That got them to shut up.  
  
“Good job you guys,” Barbara praised as she and Lindsay walked around the room.  
  
“Okay, so now that you’re all done decorating, Barbara and Lindsay are gonna hand each of you a strip of paper. On that strip of paper I want each of you to write down your biggest secret on one side, and your biggest fear on the other. Then put it in your box and you’re free to go,” Nurse Dayton explained.  
  
“So no one else is gonna see these?” a voice across the room called.  
  
“Nope, just you,” she told them.  
  
“So what’s the point of this?” Michael muttered.  
  
“Just don’t question it man,” Geoff shushed him eagerly taking his paper and a marker.  
  
Gavin was actually shocked to see how quickly Michael shut up and grabbed a marker, uncapping it and hunching over to hide his paper. Jack was working away at it too, tongue sticking out as his hand worked furiously across the paper. _I could just write something stupid like I’m afraid of spiders,_ Gavin thought. When he caught Lindsay’s eyes across the room though and she smiled brightly at him, he knew he had to be serious. _It’s not like anyone else is gonna see this anyway,_ he told himself. He picked up a blue sharpie and wrote _Fear:_ on one side and _Secret:_ on the other. He then filled in the blanks and stuffed it in his box looking up to find Michael already done and staring at him.  
  
Gavin raised an eyebrow and waited for the boy to speak or look away. He did neither. Gavin was shifting nervously under his gaze until he crossed his arms over his chest and glared at the redhead.  
  
“What?” he snapped.  
  
“You’re… different,” Michael decided on. When Gavin opened his mouth to retort Michael spoke again. “I like different,” he smiled softly. Gavin’s eyes widened and his mouth opened slightly. Eventually he rolled his eyes, but still said nothing, just turned to Ray on his other side and waited to be released.   
  
~~~  
  
“Michael, welcome back,” Dr. Hullum greeted as he sat down across from the grinning boy.  
  
“Glad to be back doc,” Michael said. Dr. Hullum rolled his eyes and leaned across the table.  
  
“Alright Michael, let’s get right to it,” he sighed.  
  
“Fine by me,” he shrugged.  
  
“You were doing so well, why throw it all away?” he asked seriously.  
  
“He spilled his drink on me,” Michael shrugged.  
  
“Why were you at a club anyway? Michael you’re only seventeen,” Hullum scolded.  
  
“Come on doc, you were seventeen once. Didn’t you ever get a fake ID?” Michael joked.  
  
“Michael, you can’t afford this anymore,” he started, holding his hand up when Michael opened his mouth to protest. “I don’t mean financially, Michael. I mean, you cannot go to court anymore for stupid things like this. A man spilling drink on you is not a valid reason to get violet,” he said. Michael sunk down in his seat, trying to make himself smaller.  
  
“I know,” he mumbled.  
  
“You know? Then why’d you do it?” he pressed. God Michael forgot how annoying this guy was; always trying to crack him open, break him down. It almost made him regret doing it.  
  
“I… I don’t know,” he avoided eye contact, something Dr. Hullum noticed.  
  
“Look Michael, this is your third and last time here, I mean it,” he warned. Michael nodded shakily and Hullum sighed. “How about this, if you can go two months without an incident I’ll let you go,” he said slowly.  
  
“Two _months_?” Michael asked shocked.  
  
“Two months,” he confirmed.  
  
“Fuck,” the redhead whispered. He met the doctors eyes and shrunk at his stern gaze.  
  
“So, do we have a deal?” he asked.  
  
“Yeah, we have a deal,” they shook hands and Michael was released.  
  
The walk to the cafeteria was filled with worry for the boy; two months would be the longest he’d ever stayed. And that’s only if he had no incidents. His first trip here had only lasted a week; three months later he was back for almost a full month. Now he’s back not even three weeks later for at least two months. This was gonna suck.  
  
He walked in to find his friends gathered around their usual table. They all seemed to be laughing and talking excitedly, except for Gavin. Gavin, Michael had learned from Ray that morning that Gavin had only gotten there the night before and that he was a real tough one to crack. Not that they weren’t still trying though.  
  
“What took so long?” Geoff asked around a mouthful of pizza.  
  
“Meeting with Hullum,” he explained.  
  
“Uh oh,” Jack chuckled.  
  
“Yeah,” Michael nodded.  
  
“What’s the sentence?” Geoff questioned looking smug.  
  
“Two months, rage free,” he told them. Geoff winced leaning back in his seat and looking at the other boy sympathetically.  
  
“Fuck dude,” Ray mumbled.  
  
“I know,” he threw his hands over his face leaning back.  
  
“Is that bad?” Gavin whispered.  
  
“Two months? Yeah dude, that’s pretty bad,” Geoff told him.  
  
“Yeah, how long are you planning on staying?” Jack asked with a raised eyebrow. He shrugged, curling into himself and keeping his eyes on the table.  
  
Michael hooked his leg around Gavin’s under the table to comfort him, but instead of comfort he jumped bashing his knee on the table. Everyone else at the table jumped before turning to the small boy concerned.  
  
“What the fuck?” Geoff asked.  
  
“I’m fine,” Gavin said quickly.  
  
“You’ve been on edge all day, you sure you’re okay?” Geoff asked.  
  
“I’m fine,” he snapped. He began picking his things up and stood quickly, making his way to the trash bins before finding Lindsay and going to her quickly.  
  
“Can I go back to my room now?” he asked her, scratching at his arms and looking at her worriedly.  
  
“Gavin, did something happen?” she asked reaching for him; again he flinched away, shaking his head.  
  
“Nothing happened, I’m just… I’m really tired, I didn’t sleep very well,” he told her, and hey, at least he wasn’t lying.  
  
“Well, lunch is over in five minutes and then you guys have some down time. And there’s a movie in the common room in a couple hours, you can take a nap and I can come get you?” she offered. He nodded quickly and she let him go.  
  
He rushed back to his room, ripped his sweater off and crawled into bed. Pulling the covers over him, he burrowed down and curled into a ball as tight as possible, trying to focus on breathing.  
  
_They pry too much_ , he thought pacing around the room trying to calm down. _Haven’t even been here a week and I’m gonna lose it_. His skin was crawling, he felt like he was on fire. He had so much built up frustration, he needed something sharp, and he needed it fast. His wrists were burning, itching like crazy.  
  
There was nothing sharp kept in the facility so he knew it was gonna be a lot harder than hoped for, and he knew there were cameras everywhere. The notice boards only had tape, and the mirrors were all in bathrooms, where he wouldn’t be able to get away with it. Before he could continue pacing or looking there was a soft knock on his door. He quickly hurried toward the door, afraid it would be one of the doctors or nurses or worse, _Michael._ He was pleasantly surprised to see that it was none of them. It was instead Ray.  
  
“Look man, you don’t gotta tell me anything,” he started. He looked completely sincere and understanding which made Gavin smile just slightly. “But, are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” he told him. It was obvious that he didn’t believe him, but he didn’t push either, which Gavin was grateful for.  
  
“Okay, well just a warning, everyone has to attend whatever lame ass movie they make us watch tonight. So someone will be coming for you in a bit, until then, take it easy,” he told him.  
  
“Okay,” he nodded.  
  
“See ya soon,” Ray responded as he turned and began walking down the hall.  
  
“Hey Ray,” the Brit called after him. Ray stopped and turned around looking slightly surprised. He didn’t say anything, just waited for Gavin. “Thanks,” he said, shutting the door before the other boy could answer. So he missed the small smile Ray sent the door before turning back and going to his room where his other friends were.  
  
~~~   
  
“Dude I’m telling you, they’re not gonna let us watch a movie about zombies. It's too violent, especially with some of the patients here,” Geoff told Jack again. The gingery haired man refused to accept it, insisting that Lindsay would let them watch _World War Z._  
  
“I don’t know, it could happen,” a soft voice from behind them said. Geoff turned around to find Griffon standing behind him, drawing tutorial book in her hand, staring at him and Jack.  
  
“I wouldn’t get your hopes up,” he told her truthfully. “They normally stick with stupid documentaries and call them movies,” he grumbled. She shrugged before moving around the table to sit next to him. Jack looked awkwardly between the two before standing and going to the bookshelves.  
  
“I’m gonna bring this to Caiti,” he said showing them a book before stalking out of the rec room.  
  
“So, you’re usually quiet in group,” she started, Geoff turned to her looking confused. “I wanna know the story behind Geoff,” she said using jazz hands.  
  
“It’s not that much of a story,” he shrugged.  
  
“When did you start?” she ignored him.  
  
“I started drinking when I was in ninth grade, you?” he responded.  
  
“Ninth,” she nodded. He smiled at her shyly before she asked, “Why’d you start?” There was a long pause before she added, “you don’t have to tell me,”  
  
“My parents weren’t around much, alcohol was,” he shrugged. He didn’t bother asking her, a sex addiction was much different from an alcohol one, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to know the answer.  
  
“When I was in ninth grade I slept over my friend’s house. When I woke up in the middle of the night I found her older brother’s hands in places they shouldn’t have been,” she told him. He did a double take, looking at her sympathetically. “Don’t give me that look, you told me so I told you. I don’t want pity,” she snapped, causing him to immediately look away.  
  
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. Before either of them could say anything more though, nurses, doctors, and patients began filling the room.  
  
“Wanna sit with me?” Griffon asked pointing across the room to where the big projector was being set up. Geoff nodded and the two made their way over, sitting on the floor close together.  
  
Soon, Jack and Caiti were entering the room side by side, he was grinning and she was holding a book in her hand, her face red. They walked over and sat with Geoff and Griffon while waiting for the rest of their friends. Michael and Ryan arrived only a minute apart from each other, watching the doors impatiently waiting for Ray and Gavin. They sat with enough room between them for the other two boys to sit when they arrived. Eventually the two showed up, but before they went to sit Ray put his hand out to stop Gavin without touching the skittish boy. They had a hushed conversation before Gavin looked over at Geoff, saw him smiling, and nodded at Ray. Ray grinned and led the two over, sitting next to Ryan and leaving Gavin to sit next to Michael. _Christ_ , he thought. He sat between the two and leaned closer to Ray as usual.  
  
“Okay, so we decided to treat you guys tonight since you’ve been so awesome the last few weeks. Tonight we’re gonna watch _Forrest Gump_ ,” Dr. Turney announced.  
  
“So much for that documentary,” Griffon whispered. Geoff snorted, but shook his head when his friends looked at him quizzically. Soon the lights were shut off and the projector illuminated the wall.  
  
Jack and Caiti ended up having to move only twenty minutes into the movie when Caiti started breathing heavily and shaking. Scared of how close people were and how many there were. She apologized profusely, but Jack merely held her hand and guided her to the outer ring of patients, sitting on the floor.

Half way through the movie Gavin’s eye lids began to droop and he had to stop his head from flopping forward or sideways onto Ray or Michael. At one point though he looked to his right and noticed that Ray was completely asleep on Ryan’s shoulder. Ryan didn’t notice the Brit watching, so he didn’t hesitate to wrap his arm around Ray and run his fingers through his hair. Gavin smiled at the sight before turning back to the movie. He tried focusing on the screen, but paused when he noticed Michael staring at him out of the corner of his eye. He didn’t acknowledge him at all, but that didn’t stop the other boy from pouring holes into Gavin’s head with his gaze. Eventually Gavin turned to look at him and noticed that not only was Michael staring, but he was smiling at him. Not menacingly, but genuinely, softly smiling at him. Gavin could feel his skin heating up and looked down.  
  
Thankfully the movie ended soon after and they were dismissed to go to bed. Gavin turned to wake Ray up but Ryan shook his head, telling him he’d carry him there, something he had done many times before. Gavin shrugged and started down the hall but was stopped by a hand on his wrist. His entire body froze, eyes squeezing tightly shut. He waited for the inevitable beating but when nothing came he slowly opened one eye to see Michael watching him confused.  
  
“Sorry,” Michael said.  
  
“For what?” Gavin shook his head still looking at where Michael’s hand was wrapped around him, holding him in place.  
  
“Whatever it is I did to make you so… weird around me,”  
  
“You didn’t do anything,” Gavin told him.  
  
“Then why can’t you look at me for more than ten seconds?” Michael countered.  
  
“It’s… complicated,” Gavin told him, looking between him and his wrist multiple times. It was then that Michael saw the fear in Gavin’s eyes for the first time. It was then he understood. He let go of Gavin as if he had been burned.  
  
It always went this way for him. Someone would hear about his anger issues and they would immediately write him off, thinking he was some violent, evil, monster. It shouldn’t have surprised him that Gavin did too, but for some reason it did surprise him, it hurt him. People here were more accepting considering they were here for reasons like Michael’s most of the time. And honestly, he was tired of trying to make it work all the time, this time he wanted someone else to make it work. He shouldn’t have gotten his hopes up really.  
  
“Oh, I get it,” Michael said glaring.  
  
“What? I-“  
  
“I’m not some vicious asshole that’s gonna hurt you Gavin, I just wanted to be your friend,” he snapped. Gavin stepped back looking like he had been slapped.  
  
“I never said that,” he started, but before he could finish Michael was interrupting again.  
  
“Whatever,” the redhead grumbled before stalking off in the direction of his room, leaving Gavin alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can tell you all right now I'm really looking forward to chapter three cause i have a lot of stuff planned. That being said, I don't actually know when chapter three will come out so bare with me.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm sorry for how long this took and I'm also sorry it's kind of shitty. I sat down for about a week and planned out every chapter of my other fic in detail and that seemed to really help me get it moving along. So I can't tell you all when the next update will be since I'm going to sit down with this story and plan in detail where I want everything to go to avoid writers block.  
> I'm not very happy with this chapter, but I wanted to get it done and move on to the next one cause I have more ideas and now that this one gets some stuff rolling I can focus more on other things. That being said please enjoy and remember all comments and suggestions are always appreciated.

The next two days for Gavin were pretty uneventful. Michael had been avoiding him since movie night, which was a welcome change, except it seemed to make his other ‘friends’ really hesitant around him. He didn’t really mind all that much though as he knew Michael was their first choice, but still, he was a little upset that Ray had also started shutting down around him. They still let him sit with them at meals since Michael had chosen to sit by himself across the room and they still talked to him during daily activities. But Gavin knew that it was more of pity than actually wanting him over the raging redhead.

The first day without Michael had gone surprisingly well, Gavin sat with his ‘friends’ without any worry, went to group and listened to everyone, not sharing as usual, and then went to his solo therapy with Dr. Burns who again tried to pick his brain unsuccessfully. They did some ‘trust building’ games as their activity and the rest of their day was pretty uneventful.

On the second day without Michael, they had all been at breakfast talking and sharing stories, but they all noticed that one voice was more absent than usual. Ryan had been shaky and sweaty all morning and could barely talk. He kept scratching at his arms and neck and was red all over. Ray seemed to be the only one that knew what to do, taking the other boys hands in his and holding them down every time he tried to scratch. Once they had been released for free time the two boys were immediately gone, heading down the hall to what Gavin guessed was Ray’s room.

“What’s going on?” he asked Jack.

“Don’t know,” the other boy grumbled, shrugging. He had been in a mood all morning, so Gavin decided Geoff would be the best person to ask. He caught up with him in the rec room right before he made his way over to sit with Griffon.

“Is Ryan okay?” he asked.

“Withdrawal,” was all he offered. Gavin nodded and let it drop. He turned to leave the room when he bumped right into Michael.

“Sorry,” he squeaked. Michael didn’t even spare him a glance, just brushing past him and sitting by a bookshelf in the corner.

He left quickly, rushing to his room and locking himself in it until he was forced to go to therapy with Dr. Burns.

~~~

After breakfast Ray led Ryan to Dr. Sorola’s office and knocked twice.

“Come in,” he called. Ray entered and pulled Ryan in.

“I think he’s going through withdrawal again,” Ray explained.

“Early stages,” Sorola nodded. “Alright Ray, you’re free to go,” he said waving him away and picking his phone up to call for a nurse probably.

“I’ll see you soon,” Ray whispered, patting Ryan on the back. He didn’t get a response, but he wasn’t expecting one either.

This had been the fourth time since Ray’s time here that he had witnessed Ryan go through withdrawal, the first time he saw it he had no idea what to do. He felt guilty, not being able to help. They had already grown close so not being able to help was killing him. The second time they had all been gathered in Jack and Ryan’s room to hang out when it happened. Michael, Geoff, Jack and Ray all attempted to get a nurse, but before Ray made it out of the room Ryan was grabbing him by the wrist and pulling him back.

So he had stayed and waited until the other boys came back with the doctor and two nurses before they were ushered out of the room.

They didn’t see Ryan again until breakfast the next day and he didn’t like to talk about it so none of them asked.

The third time it happened Ryan immediately sought out Ray, staying close to him and conveying everything he was feeling to the younger boy with his eyes. Ray was quick to get him out of the room and to the doctor, not seeing him again for two days.

He tried not to think about it as he made his way to the rec room to join his friends. When he got there though he noticed that Geoff was with Griffon again, Jack was reading alone and Michael was sulking by the window.

“Haven’t seen you lately,” he said as he approached his friend.

“Yeah well,” Michael shrugged.

“Gavin?” Ray asked knowingly, and again Michael shrugged. “What happened?” The freckled boy stayed silent. “Michael come on-“ he tried again.

“He’s afraid of me,” Michael snapped. “They’re always afraid of me,” he added softer.

“What makes you say that?” he asked tilting his head.

“Don’t act like you didn’t see it too,” he growled, “it was obvious,”

“Michael,” Ray began, “we don’t know why he’s here, maybe there’s a reason,” he said gently.

“Why me then?”

“Maybe… maybe you remind him of someone he’s afraid of? Or maybe he’s bad with new people,” Ray suggested.

“You’re new to him too and he has no problem with you,” Michael pointed out.

“Maybe because I give him space,” Ray explained.

“What does that mean?” Michael glared.

“You kinda, you know, push yourself onto people,” Ray said slowly.

“Oh really?” he crossed his arms.

“Yes really,” the other boy said confidently.

“Whatever,” Michael rolled his eyes.

“All I’m saying is maybe you can talk to him and be his friend without making him uncomfortable,” he reasoned.

“What if I can’t? You know, since I’m always ‘pushing myself onto people,’” he mocked.

“Don’t be like that man,” Ray groaned as the other stood up and roughly pushed his chair in, stalking out of the room.

“Dammit,” Ray sighed sinking down in his chair wishing he could disappear.

~~~

“Gavin, you do realize that we can’t help you unless you open up, right?” Dr. Burns said leaning his elbows on his desk, studying Gavin with his gaze. They had been there for almost a half hour already and Gavin was ready to pull his hair out.

“I don’t need help,” he snapped.

“I think you do,” he countered.

“I think you’re wrong,” Gavin said, voice full of venom.

Dr. Burns sighed, taking his glasses off and rubbing his eyes. “Gavin, you’re here because people really care about you and they want you to get better,”

“Name one person,” Gavin demanded.

“Your parents an-“

“Wrong,” Gavin said immediately.

“Oh? Then who called the ambulance the day you attempted to take your life?” Burns asked intrigued.

“Dan,” Gavin whispered, eyes squeezing tightly shut.

“Who’s Dan?”

“He was my best friend,” Gavin told him, voice low.

“Dan cares about you,” Dr. Burns said. Gavin rolled his eyes and stood up.

“Not anymore, I think we’re done,” he mumbled stepping towards the door.

“We aren’t done until I say we are,” Dr. Burns said sternly. Gavin paused, his hand on the door knob, he took a deep breath before turning and meeting Burns’ eyes.

“Please, can we be done?” he pleaded, eyes covered in mist.

“Fine,” Dr. Burns sighed, “but this is not the end of this discussion,” he told him.

“Fine,” Gavin replied opening the door and walking out.

~~~

“Jack?” Caiti asked, knocking on his door gently.

“Hey,” he whispered, not looking up from his book in bed.

“Are you okay?” she asked taking a small step in.

“Fine,” he shrugged, “what’re you doing here?” he asked finally looking at her.

“You didn’t come see me today,” she said softly, “I wanted to see if you were okay,”

“I’m okay,” he told her.

“Are you sure? You always come see me,” she whispered.

“I’m fine,” he snapped. She took a step backwards looking hurt.

“Okay, I’ll, uh, I’m gonna go,” she said turning and running out the door before he could respond.

He had been off all day, tired and irritable and honestly he just wanted to be alone. That didn’t mean he didn’t feel horrible the second Caiti walked out though, but he didn’t have the energy to go after her.

His meeting with Dr. Heyman that day mainly consisted of the older man asking him how he was feeling and what it was that made him feel so down. Jack’s only response was ‘I don’t know,’ that was his only response for most of the meeting. So in the end he left feeling worse than when he entered, heading straight for his room and holing himself up until dinner where he emerged, ate, and then retreated back to his room for the evening.

That night he lay in bed worrying about anything that came to mind. His parents, his friends, Caiti, himself, and really he worried about himself most. He had been there for two months already and wasn’t getting any better, he was still all over the place and while the meds helped they didn’t really last that long, not that he would tell the nurses. They helped, but that didn’t mean Jack liked going around, not feeling anything, like a robot.

He turned over in bed and closed his eyes hoping sleep would come fast.

~~~

The next morning Gavin walked into the cafeteria to see Michael sitting at the table with everyone else, so he made his way to the back of the café, sitting alone by the windows. His peace was interrupted almost immediately by a lour scraping sound as Matt and his buddy Jeremy pulled chairs up to him.

“Hey princess,” Matt smirked. Like last time Gavin didn’t speak to either of them, just kept his head down, not noticing that Ray was watching from the other table.

“Still not talking?” Jeremy sneered. Still Gavin remained silent, looking down at his food.

“Come on man, we’re just tryin’ to be friends,” Matt smirked, throwing his arm around Gavin and pulling him in by his neck. The smaller boy stiffened, pushing against him instantly.

“Let me go,” he snapped finally, after Matt tightened his arm around him.

“Don’t be like that man,” Jeremy snickered.

“Let. Me. Go,” he said firmer this time.

“Oh come on man. I’m just trying to-“

“If you don’t get your hands off of him in the next two seconds I will break your arm,” Michael seethed, appearing behind Gavin.

“Oh look, boyfriends come to the rescue,” Jeremy laughed, but before Matt could respond to him Michael was on him. It happened in seconds really, one second Michael was on Matt planting his fist into his face repeatedly. Matt’s face was bleeding in less than a second, but still Michael didn’t stop hitting him. A second later and he was being forcibly removed by a male nurse Gavin didn’t know the name of.

“What the hell is going on?” Dr. Hullum asked as he rushed across the room. Most patients were standing up and crowding as close as they were allowed, trying to get a better view at the two boys. No one spoke up.

“The four of you are coming with me,” he commanded, letting the nurses holding them lead them out of the room towards his office.

Gavin walked with his head down, ignoring the curious stares of those around him. Michael was in front of him, face red, knuckles bloody from where he had hit Matt. Matt and Jeremy walked side by side, right behind Dr. Hullum with their heads down. Little drops of blood were dribbling down Matt’s face, leaving a small trail on the floor.

“Sit,” Hullum ordered as they entered his office. There were only two seats, so Matt sat in one with Jeremy behind him, Gavin sat in the other, Michael pressed against the back of it, his finger tips brushing Gavin’s shoulders.

“So here’s what I’m gonna do,” he started. “I’m gonna take Matt into Dr. Sorola’s room, and get his story. Then I’ll take Jeremy, then Michael and last Gavin,” he explained. When he opened the door he spoke to someone on the other side and then Lindsay walked in.

“I’m staying with you guys until he’s done,” she said sitting in Dr. Hullum’s rolling chair and spinning in a circle. When she stopped she took a second to smile apologetically at Gavin and glare at Michael.

The silence dragged between them all for a long ten minutes before finally the door was opening and then Matt was walking back in and tagging out with Jeremy. The silence continued until finally Michael was taken and then lastly Gavin.

“Take a seat please,” Dr. Hullum gestured to the seat across from him, Gavin hesitantly sat down and looked at his hands in his lap. “So, I’m just gonna sit back and listen and you’re going to tell me what happened,” he explained leaning back and kicking his feet up onto his desk.

“I just,” Gavin started and stopped a few times, trying to find the right words before shrugging. “I was eating breakfast a few days ago and they started bugging me, calling me a freak,” he told him. “Michael came and told them to stop and then Lindsay was rushing over and they were running off with their tails between their legs.”

“What happened today then?” Hullum asked, placing his feet back on the floor and leaning his elbows on the desk.

“They just, wouldn’t leave me alone, said some things Michael didn’t like and he swung,” he said finally.

“I see,” the doctor said again.

He asked Gavin to repeat the story two more times; trying to find any differences or get Gavin to remember things he had forgotten before. When his story remained the same each time he was eventually let go, but told to just go on to the common room.

He shrugged and made his way down the hall towards the room where he found Ray and Geoff, sitting across from each other in what looked like an intense game of checkers. He sat silently next to Ray who looked at him briefly before moving his next piece. Minutes later Lindsay was coming in and sitting at the table with the three boys, smiling gently at Gavin and placing a hand on his arm.

“They’re on house arrest,” she said. Ray dropped his black piece and sighed, shaking his head before continuing his move.

“I wish I could be surprised,” Geoff mumbled not looking away from the board.

“Why aren’t you?” Gavin asked then, eyes wide as he looked between the three.

“He’s always in house arrest,” Ray shrugged.

“How long this time?” Geoff asked.

“Three days, same with Matt and Jeremy so at least you get a break Gavin,” she smiled. He didn’t know if he was supposed to be happy about that or not really, happy to not have to worry so much about the two bullies always being around, but he did feel bad about Michael being locked away because of him.

“So what, he’s just locked away for three days?” Gavin asked confused.

“Pretty much, he just hangs in his room and can only leave for solo therapy, and he has to be with a nurse if he goes anywhere,” Lindsay explained.

“Oh,” Gavin muttered.

“It’ll be fine, he’s used to it,” Geoff told him reassuringly, but it didn’t help in the slightest.

“He shouldn’t be used to it,” Gavin whispered, shrinking back under Ray’s observing gaze.

“Yeah well,” Geoff shrugged turning back to his game. Ray though, stared at Gavin for a long moment, watching him closely; finally, he smiled and turned away.

~~~

Ryan felt like he was close to losing it. He had gone to see Sorola and eventually they took him down to the gym. He went there a lot, mostly when he was experiencing a withdrawal. A nurse named Aaron stayed with him while he worked, observing him and taking notes as one always did. He was quite but he let Ryan work as hard as he wanted and push himself to his own limits.

He didn’t talk much to the nurse or to Sorola for the rest of the day, he stayed in the gym for probably around two hours before Aaron was announcing it was time to go back to his room where they’d serve him lunch. He wasn’t allowed to leave his room and be around the others until the doctors could be sure he was safe. In the past he had had a few bad withdrawals, once resulting in violence against the nurses and once, another patient.

So at dinner on his third day in lock down they decided that it was safe for him to be let out, a chance he gladly took, taking off in the direction of the cafeteria as soon as they opened the door. He walked in quickly; glad to see Ray and Geoff and Jack and even Gavin who he barely knew. He noticed Michael wasn’t there, but he had heard murmurings of a fight in passing when walking down the halls so he had a good guess on where the rage monster was.

“Hey,” he said sitting next to Ray instantly, hand reaching out to squeeze the other boy’s wrist, a sign to let him know _I’m okay._ Ray grinned back at him, pushing his tray closer to Ryan, Ryan normally would have accepted this if it were form anyone else, but seeing as Ray was here in the first place for not eating Ryan refused to take it.

“Hey man,” Geoff said reaching across the table and bumping fists with him. He smiled and turned to Jack next, who looked tired, exhausted really. He smiled at him but his eyes quickly moved back to his tray, smile dimming. Gavin waved at him, smile small, but there.

“Eat,” Ray urged, pushing it towards him again when he turned back.

“Ray,” Ryan said sternly, the other boy dropped his shoulders and looked down at his salad, only a few bites missing. “Did you eat while I was gone,” he asked him quietly, hoping the others wouldn’t hear. They didn’t, they were focused on Jack, talking to him about something, seemingly to be trying to cheer him up.

“Yes,” Ray said instantly, but his eyes shifted to the side, looking away.

“Did you keep it down?” he asked then, leaning closer. Ray took longer to answer this time, before meeting Ryan’s eyes and shaking his head once.

It had happened the last time too. Ray was so worried about Ryan that he couldn’t keep any food down. Not on purpose, but just because he worried himself sick. Literally.

“Okay,” Ryan said. That was all he said last time too, not judging and not mad, just accepting.

“I’m sorry,” Ray whispered.

“Don’t be, just finish eating,” Ryan demanded turning and snagging fry from Geoff’s plate.

The rest of the evening passed pretty uneventfully for them all, Ray and Ryan stayed close together in the rec room, Ray filling Ryan in on what he had missed and trying to get details out of Ryan about what he had been doing. He got nothing as usual; Ryan didn’t like talking about his days away from them.

Jack eventually found Caiti and sat with her, reading silently. She seemed wary of him there, concerned that he’d snap again, but eventually he was taking the book from her hands and holding hers.

“I’m sorry,” he told her, sighing in relief when she threw herself into his arms and hugged him tightly.

“It was my fault,” she whispered against his neck.

“No it wasn’t,” he told her quickly. “I’ve been having some bad days, and that’s not an excuse, but it’s not your fault either,” he said reassuringly. She smiled and nodded hugging him tighter. When they pulled away from each other she snuck a quick kiss on his cheek and smiled at him.

“If you’re having a bad day let me know, I want to help you,” she smiled. He nodded and that was that, they were back to normal, her reading silently, him admiring her and asking her questions every time he thought of one.

Geoff retreated to his room after dinner but was soon surprised with a beautiful blonde visitor. Now Geoff wasn’t expecting sex from her when she appeared, but she was kind of ‘known’ for that sort of thing so he was a little shocked when all she did was lay on his bed and pat the spot next to her.

“Why don’t you have a roommate?” she asked him when he was settled in.

“I don’t really know, I think my parent’s requested that I didn’t have one,” he shrugged. “Do you have one?” he asked turning to her.

“No, they won’t let me because of my… addiction,” she smirked rolling her eyes.

“That’s dumb,” he said then.

“Why?” she asked.

“You like sex, so does every other teenager in the world,” he shrugged, “that shouldn’t stop you from being able to have sleepovers or have a roommate or make friends. They watch you as if you’re gonna jump anyone you come in contact with. It’s stupid,” he explained, not seeing the way her face changed throughout his little speech. She was actually surprised, no one ever said anything like that before, and no one ever tried to understand before. She smiled at him and reached out squeezing his hand before quickly pulling back into herself. She laid next to him trying to think of something to say, something to add to the conversation.

“You’re parents are stupid,” she decided on, watching as his head snapped to her.

“Why?” he asked smiling.

“You’re too great of a guy for them to neglect,” she shrugged then, a thoughtful look crossed his features before he sighed and turned to face the ceiling again.

“Yeah well,” he trailed off.

“I mean it,” she said, “you’re a really good guy,” she told him. “I wish they would’ve seen that,”

“Sometimes people can’t see through the cocaine,” he told her, she turned to face him and smiled apologetically at him.

“So not only were they neglectful, but also druggies,” she stated. He nodded, but didn’t look at her.

“It happens. I’m not upset about it,” he mumbled.

“Don’t bottle it up,” she snapped. He turned to look at her, a fire in her eyes he had yet to see.

“What?” he asked.

“Don’t brush it off like it doesn’t matter Geoff,” she demanded. “If something pisses you off, you tell everyone, you make it known.”

“Griffon, I’m really not upset about it,” he said reaching out to calm her down, but she brushed him off.

“Don’t do that,” she said pushing back on the bed.

“I’m sorry,” he said immediately.

“Don’t be afraid to get mad,” she whispered before sitting up. She patted him on the thigh once and then she was up and out of the room leaving a very confused Geoff watching her go, trying to make sense of what was probably the best and most confusing conversation he had ever had.

~~~

Lights out happened at around ten o’clock every night. Now that didn’t mean they actually had to sleep, most of them stayed up reading and just enjoying the silence. It just meant that everyone had to be in their rooms and accounted for at that time.

Lights out had happened three hours ago and Gavin still could not sleep. He got up to go to the bathroom, shuffling down the hall and passed Ryan and Jack’s room. He kept his head down and ended up bumping into someone who was also coming out of their dorm for the same reason as him.

“Sorry, sorry,” he said backing up instantly, ready to shield himself if this person got violent.

“What are you doing up?” a familiar voice asked. He looked up to see Ray staring at him, bleary eyes and hair messy.

“Can’t sleep,” was all he said. Ray nodded and turned to continue his trip to the bathroom.

“My roommate snores,” was all Ray said, pulling a small laugh from the Brit.

“Hey, uh, where’s Michael’s room?” he asked suddenly. Ray turned to him skeptically.

“Why?” he asked.

“I know he’s on house arrest, but… Ray I have to see him,” he said quickly, hands shaking and eyes wide. Ray nodded once and sighed.

“Two-oh-five,” he said gesturing down the hallway. “By the rec room,” he told him.

“Does he have a roommate?” Gavin asked.

“No, anger management patients don’t get roommates,” Ray explained.

“Oh,” Gavin said.

“Also don’t expect him to open the door and invite you in,” Ray stated, “house arrest means they lock him in,” Ray shivered at that. Gavin nodded his thanks and began quickly down the hall.

“Gavin!” Ray called after him. He stopped and turned to see Ray with a big smile on his face. “If you get caught I won’t bail you out,” he told him. Gavin smiled back and nodded.

Gavin felt like he was in one of the stupid spy movies he and his mom would watch when he was little, stopping at every corner and poking his head around it making sure the coast was clear before running to the next.

He made it to the rec room quickly and found room 205, and suddenly he was very nervous. _What if he tells me to go away? Or says he never wants to see me again. Why do I care?_

He took a deep breath and sat in the middle of the hallway, leaning against the door and taking a deep breath before reaching back and gently tapping the door with his knuckles. “Michael? It’s me, Gavin,” he said.

He listened closely, hearing nothing for a while before he heard what he assumed were covers being thrown to the side and soft footfalls. He heard shuffling then felt pressure on the door behind him. Michael had sat down on the other side of it, but he didn’t say anything.

“Look, I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I don’t think you’re some horrible monster,” he stated, shutting his eyes tightly and then taking a deep shuddering breath. “I just- I’m working through a lot of stuff right now, and I don’t… I’m sorry,” he said, deciding against telling Michael any more about himself in that moment.

“If you never wanna speak to me again I understand, but could you just like give me a sign or something if you still want to try?” Gavin asked hesitantly, the thought that maybe Michael couldn’t hear him did occur to him, but then he realized that these bloody doors were indeed not sound proof.

Still Michael did nothing, just leaning against the door silently, waiting for something. Gavin didn’t know what to do though, so he sighed and began standing up, before he left though he turned and knocked one more time on the door.

“I’m sorry,” he said, tears gathering in his eyes. “I’m gonna go now,” he said, but it sounded chocked and he wanted to hit himself for being so stupid.

He didn’t even make it one step away from the door though when he heard two small knocks on the door. He gasped quietly to himself and then sat back down, tears easily being blinked away. This was the sign, he knew.

He knocked again and smiled when Michael knocked right back.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stupid Michael, always gotta be the hero. Anyway next chapter I think I'm gonna start to slowly peel away layers of each character, not all at once though, but I do want to get some Geoff and Griffon stuff rolling along with maybe some Jack and Caiti, not positive yet where I want everything but I will try my best.  
> Hope to hear from some of you soon!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I know it's been a really long time and I do apologize for that. Now I have said that this story is on hiatus until my other story is finished and that's kinda true. My main focus is on It Was Always You, but when I find time I will work on this, but I can't give a definite posting schedule or promise.

“It was a long night,” Ray sighed the next day, bashing his head off the table.

“You always sleep through the night though?” Ryan asked.

“Miles kept me up with his snoring,” the other mumbled, reaching up to rub his temples. Ryan quickly took over though, rubbing soothing circles on his head, moving down to his shoulders.

“Eat,” he ordered.

It was the first full day without Michael and they were all huddled around the breakfast table lifelessly stabbing at their food. They were tired, they blamed it on the shitty weather, but Gavin was the worst, dark circles under his eyes, head lolling back and forth while he tried to tear his toast into smaller bits to be eaten.

He was just glad that Michael had forgiven him. They didn’t talk, just knocked on the door occasionally to show they were still there, but at around three in the morning Lindsay turned the corner and shooed Gavin away telling him they were about to check rooms. He sprinted down the hallway and flopped into his bed, passing out as soon as he came into contact with the pillow.

He was part of the walking dead the next morning, same as Ray who was struggling even more than usual to take a bite of his toast. Gavin was glad Ryan was there to comfort and watch over him.

“Hello boys,” Lindsay greeted, stepping up behind Geoff and placing her hand on his shoulder. “Phone for you in the office,” she told him.

“Who?” he looked up at her.

“Just, come answer the phone,” she sighed, moving out of the way so he could scrape his chair back and stalk out of the room.

He knew who it was, it was the same person that called every few weeks, pretending that she cared about his well being. He got to the office quickly, grabbing the phone off the counter and holding it up to his ear.

“Hello?” he asked impatiently.

“Geoff!” His mother said loudly, Geoff could tell she was smiling, _probably from drugs,_ he thought. “How are you sweetheart?” she asked lightly.

“Fine,”

“Just fine?” she sounded sad now, quieter, like her smile was gone.

“Yup, just as fine as I was last time you called,”

“Geoff,” she said a careful warning. “You know I can’t call often because of work and-“

“Cocaine? Yeah I know mom,” he rolled his eyes.

“Geoffrey!” she scolded. “Don’t speak to me that way,”

“It’s not like you’re my mom,” he snapped then. “You don’t get to do this to me, I’m here to get better and you’re making it worse,” he was seething now, could picture his mom shrinking back, phone held away from her ear while she tried to compose herself.

“I want you to get better,” she said quietly.

“Then stop calling me. Stop pretending you care,” he demanded.

“Geoff-“

“No,” he cut her off. “I don’t wanna talk to you anymore, have a nice day,” and then he was slamming the phone down, turning around to find Lindsay staring at him disappointed.

“Don’t give me that look,” he snapped, walking passed her without a second glance.

“Geoff wait!” she called, rushing to catch up. “I’m sorry okay? I just… I don’t want you to regret not talking to your mom,” she said gently, placing her hand on his shoulder only to be shrugged off.

“She hardly counts as a mom. She only calls now because it makes her look good when the police investigate her for child neglect or whatever,”

“She loves you,” Lindsay said bluntly.

“She loves drugs more,” he stated, turning his back to her and walking away. This time Lindsay let him go.

He stormed through the halls, ignoring the looks he received from other patients, passing Barbara who was leaning against the wall by the boy’s bathroom, waiting for someone Geoff guessed.

“Hi!” she chirped brightly. Geoff grumbled out a hello, ignoring Michael when he walked out of the bathroom throwing a ‘Yo!’ his way. He just kept walking, weaving expertly through the halls until he found his room, throwing the door open and crashing in. He didn’t bother closing it though, figuring someone would be over to check on him soon enough.

He was kind of right. It wasn’t a nurse that came to check on him, it was Griffon, short blond hair pulled into a bun on her head, blue eyes full of concern when she sat on the edge of the bed and patted his leg.

“I missed you in the rec room,” she confessed.

“Yeah well,” he shrugged.

“What happened?”

“I got a phone call,” he answered.

“You poor thing!” Griffon gasped. “What a horrible thing it is to have people call for you,” she teased, pushing at his legs until he shifted over for her to get comfortable.

“It was my mom,” he deadpanned.

“Oh fuck,” she whispered. “Sorry, I don’t get phone calls so…” she trailed off.

“It’s okay,” he said, reaching out for her hand and giving it a gentle squeeze.

“What did your mom want anyway?”

“She calls every two or so weeks to see how I’m doing, she doesn’t really care though,” he explained.

“How do you know?” Griffon countered.

“She’s high when she calls, that’s one clue,” he muttered darkly.

“So what did you do?”

“I hung up,” he confessed.

“And you didn’t feel bad?” Griffon turned to him, eyebrows knitted together.

“Why would I? She never felt bad when she and my dad were leaving me for drugs and parties,” he ranted.

“Jesus, when did this all start?”

“They started disappearing after I went to bed when I was nine. They were good about it at first, actually making sure I was taken care of before they were slipping out the back door and vanishing,” he started, he didn’t really sound angry this time, just tired. “When I turned twelve they stopped caring about me all together, they wouldn’t come home between work and party time, they’d just stumble in high or drunk around four in the morning making so much noise that I’d wake up,” he laughed humorously then, “I’d have to get out of bed and walk my parents upstairs, turn them on their sides in case they got sick and tuck them in,”

“Geoff-“

“I was in middle school,” he choked out. “I was a child, I wasn’t supposed to be an adult,” he looked at her then, eyes misty and bright, his breathing was picking up at all the memories so she reached out for him immediately, wrapping her arms around his waist and pulling his head into where her neck met her shoulder.

“Sh, sh, you’ll be okay, I’ve got you,” she whispered repeatedly until he could calm down.

“When I was thirteen I had my first drink,” he mumbled. “I hated it, but I had read about people online that did it so they could forget or just ignore life. I thought, why not? And then I was paying homeless people money to get me alcohol, stealing it from my friend’s parents when no one way home and waiting until my parents were passed out in bed before sneaking down stairs and grabbing a beer.

“How did you get here then?” she asked.

“My best friend, Cody, told the school about my problem at the start of junior year. They called me to the office and when I denied everything they searched my bag, didn’t help that I had a bottle of vodka in there and I was hung over,” he chuckled.

“So you’re school sent you away?”

“No no, it gets better, be patient,” he told her, but his eyes were hard. “The principal is asking me all sorts of questions, full on interrogation. I’m about to lose my shit when I fucking start crying,” he shook his head, “I was a fucking loser. Anyway,” he continued, “I tell them everything that I haven’t talked to my parents, like a real honest to god conversation in however many years, and I haven’t been sober in two years etcetera. So they call my parents in, and the police,” Griffon gasped then, looking at him intensely while she waited for the rest.

“Of course, my parents deny everything, and because my grades suck and my parents were good actors, they believe them. That night I got home, piss drunk and my parents are in the living room, but get this,” he said excitedly, “they’re sober!”

“Geoff,” Griffon whispered.

“So then they tell me that they can’t believe I would do such a thing and that I’m a disappointment and they’re sending me away to get better and here I am,” he gestured to himself, finishing with jazz hands.

“Geoff, I- that is fucked up,” she was still processing and Geoff didn’t blame her.

“Its fine, I’ll get better without them,” he said confidently.

“Good, I’m glad,” she said honestly, linking their fingers together, neither of them pulling away for a long moment. “I-“ she started but was cut off by the bell ringing loudly throughout the building signaling group time.

“Shall we?” Geoff asked rolling off the bed and offering his arm to her.

“We shall,” she linked their arms together, laughing while he skipped away.

“Thank you,” he stopped suddenly, turning to face her.

“No problem,” she grinned.

“God, this group is gonna suck, no doubt Sorola knows about my call,” he pouted.

“We’ll get through it together,” she said, reaching up and knocking his chin gently.

“I’m glad,” he replied, turning to enter the therapy room, greeting Ryan and the other patients, smile on his face.

~~~

Gavin was officially bored out of his mind. After going out of his way to avoid Michael for three days, then having him get into an actual physical fight for him, and then watching him get locked away, Gavin had nothing to do. Ryan was busy with Ray while Jack was off with Caiti as usual and Geoff never came back after being called for the phone.

The rest of breakfast was silent between the bunch, Ryan sitting silently by Ray’s side, encouraging him to ‘just one more bite man, you can do it’. Jack had been in a mood for the entire meal so Gavin didn’t even try talking to him.

They went to the gym again that day, Gavin and Ray running until Ashley was coming and kicking Ray off telling him to go lift weights and take a breather. Gavin went to follow him but Ryan stepped in then and the Brit didn’t wanna interrupt so he ran, he ran until his legs were about to give out, until he had to stumbled to a bench and calm his breathing. He had had multiple nurse’s rush to his side offering water, one even tried to unzip his jacket claiming that it was making him overheat, but he slapped her hands away and shrunk back on himself. They stopped bothering him.

When Lindsay walked by him in the hall later he stopped her quickly, reaching his hand out for her but not making contact so she’d know what he wanted.

“What’s up Gav?” she tilted her head.

“I was just wondering how Michael is?” he asked timidly.

“He’s fine, he was glad you went to his room last night,” she confessed.

“Yeah,” he laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his neck as his cheeks flushed. “You aren’t gonna tell on me for that are you?”

“Not a word,” she crossed her heart and made eye contact showing Gavin she meant it.

“Thank you,” he started to move away when the redhead caught his sleeve.

“Checks are at lights out and again at three am, normally I’m in his wing so you’re safe there, but you never know okay?” she told him.

“What are you saying?” he smiled.

“I’m saying…” she trailed off and took a deep breath. “I’m gonna get fired. Look, he can’t open his own door, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be opened from the outside,” she spoke slowly to make sure the Brit was following along.

“Oh my god,” Gavin said in disbelief, “you’re letting me go back?”

“If you want, I won’t stop you,” she shrugged then.

“Well, thanks,” he nodded turning to walk away again.

“Oh Gavin!” she called ushering him closer. “I’ll tell him to wait up,” she winked at him. He scoffed as he watched her walk away, not moving from his spot until Ryan passed him with a strange look that made him realize he was standing like an idiot in the middle of the hall.

The rest of the day flew by; therapy was uneventful as always, Gavin refusing to open up to Dr. Burns and lunch was quiet, even with Griffon there with Geoff, the two seemed to be in their own little world. Gavin ended up leaving early and lying in his bed, knowing he wouldn’t be able to sleep no matter how tired he was.

They announced lights out two hours ago and Gavin hadn’t heard anyone walk by his room in over twenty minutes, so he pulled his hood up and crept out of the room, stopping by the bathroom first so he’d have a story if someone did pass him. He washed his hands three times before he could get the courage to leave and when he did he moved as slowly as possible so he wouldn’t make a sound.

When he made it to room 205 he knocked once and waited for any sign of life on the other side. It came quickly. Michael was out of bed and knocking on the door in seconds, letting Gavin know he was there too.

“You can open it,” he called out; quiet enough for only Gavin to hear. He took a deep breath before opening it and slipping inside letting the door swing shut behind him, locking both of them in. Normally this would’ve bugged him but for some reason he was calm to be stuck in a room with a raging redhead. “Lindsay will let you out at two thirty so you can get back before checks,” he explained as if reading the Brit’s mind.

“What’s house arrest like?” Gavin blurted then, standing awkwardly by the door.

“It’s boring as shit dude,” the redhead backed up so he was sitting on the bed, patting the spot next to him for Gavin to sit down. “What’s the real world like?”

“Boring,” Gavin echoed his words.

“How is everyone?”

“You’ve been gone a day, not a month,” he teased.

“I know, but I worry about them,” he admitted voice small.

“Geoff got a phone call this morning and disappeared for a while. Ryan got Ray to eat at every meal today and Jack isn’t feeling too great,”

“Geoff’s mom probably called again,” the redhead sighed.

“Does she do it often?”

“Enough,” Michael told him, “it just fucks with him,”

“Griffon sat with us at lunch today,” Gavin added.

“Oh yeah?” he smirked.

“Yeah, she’s nice,”

They were silent for a long time; Michael eventually lay back on his bed and pulled at Gavin’s hoodie until he joined him which he did reluctantly. They stared at the ceiling for a long time, both lost in their thoughts until Michael spoke up.

“You said last night you were working through some stuff,” he started, causing the Brit to look over at him patiently. “What kind of stuff?”

Gavin was silent, looking away from the other instantly trying to think of something that would be enough. “I- it’s… I don’t,” he stuttered.

“Hey hey okay,” Michael leaned up on his elbow to look down at him. “You don’t have to tell me, I’m not obligated to know anything about you, I was just curious,”

“I know I just don’t want you to…” he trailed off, trying to think of the right words.

“Flip out?” Michael asked harshly.

“No no, I don’t want you to be offended,” the other corrected.

“Oh,” the redhead nodded, “sorry,”

“Its fine,” Gavin said simply.

“You can tell me whenever you want though,” Michael told him, “and I won’t be offended,” he promised with a grin.

“Okay,” Gavin nodded.

They didn’t talk again for a long time. Just lay by each other to enjoy the company until Lindsay slipped in and told Gavin it was time to go. He made to get up, stopping when he felt a hand on his wrist; he froze while he waited for the other to make his move.

“Will you come back tomorrow?” his eyes were wide and pleading.

“Do you want me to?” Gavin was hesitant, not sure if it was a good idea.

“Yeah, I do,”

“Maybe,”

“Goodnight Gavin,” the boy smiled.

“Goodnight,” the Brit replied stiffly.

“And thank you,” the other added when Gavin made it to the door.

“You’re welcome Michael,” he smiled and then shut the door.

Lindsay was leaning against the wall across from him, smirk on her face.

“Shut up,” he told her as he made to go down the hall.

“I didn’t say anything,” she held her hands up.

“You were thinking it,” he told her.

“You’ve made friends,” she giggled. He flipped her the bird and returned to his room where he passed out.

~~~

Ray was trying so hard, he would swear up and down that he was trying to eat, trying to get better. But when it was four in the morning and Miles was snoring like a leaf blower again all Ray could do was lay there and think. Ray and thinking never went well together.

Rooming with Miles was definitely the worst part about being at the hospital. Miles was an awesome guy, happy and encouraging everyone, but Ray hated him. He was the star child of the group and would be leaving in just a little under two weeks. He didn’t know what they were thinking when they roomed them together, were they hoping that Miles would rub off on Ray and make him suddenly inspired to be better? If they did then they were idiots.

He had been lying awake for almost an hour when the _thoughts_ took over. They were the ones that started haunting him at the age of seven, the ones that echoed in his mind. The words his mother had said to him only hours before when they’d gather around the dinner table and he’d go for a second serving.

_Not enough._

He started scratching. Rough, frenzied swats against his neck and upper body. When he was younger he thought he could claw the fat away, leaving him with dark scars on his stomach where he was too rough, blood pooling on the bed.

When Ray scratched he got scared. Scared of who was possibly watching, scared of who would see the marks in the morning, he got so scared that he started shaking.

It was a whole process really, he’d scratch, shake, sweat and then the next thing he knew he was puking.

He slowly climbed out of bed, moving quietly to the door so he wouldn’t wake the sleeping lawn mower. They had already done the mid night checks, so he didn’t have to worry about explaining himself as he rushed into the bathroom.

He thought it would be empty; it was four in the morning who would be up? He didn’t notice that one of the stalls was in use when he burst in. He ran into the closest one and shoved his fingers down his through feeling the bile rise and expel out of him.

It didn’t take him long to empty his stomach, of course that didn’t stop him from trying again and again to see if anything else would come out. Eventually he gave up and rested his head against the toilet seat, crying and sniffling up a mess. He sat there for five minutes before he heard a toilet in the room flush and footsteps coming towards him.

“Ray?” he knew it was Jack by the shock in their voice.

“How’d you know?” he sniffled, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

“I know those shitty plaid socks anywhere,” the other laughed, but there really wasn’t much humor in it.

The small boy sighed and stood up, flushing the toilet and stepping out with his head down. Jack reached out for him then, pulling him into a tight hug, rocking him gently back and forth.

“Don’t tell Ryan,” Ray begged then, breaking down into a new round of sobs.

“Ray, this is serious,” he said softly.

“Please Jack!” he looked up at him, eyes wet and scared and damn him for looking like a puppy.

“Okay okay, just calm down, you’re okay,” he soothed, pulling him back in and rubbing his back slowly.

“It’s late, you should get some sleep,” Ray pulled back then, rubbing his face with his hands and going to the sink, scrubbing vigorously at his hands.

“I’ll walk you back to your room,” Jack offered, opening the door for him.

“But you’re room is before mine,” Ray whispered as they went.

“I know, I want to though,”

Ray didn’t fight him, just let himself be escorted. When they got back to his room he stopped to give Jack a long hug and thank him for keeping it between them. Jack nodded and wished him a good rest of the night.

When the ginger haired boy made it back to his room he was met with Ryan sitting on his bed watching the door patiently.

“What took you so long?” he asked casually. Rooming with an insomniac sucked.

“Nothing, just went for a little walk,” he shrugged crawling back in bed.

“I heard voices,”

“That’s weird,”

“Yeah I suppose it is,” he said casually.

“Anyway,” the ginger haired boy said quickly, “I’m exhausted, see you in a few hours,” he pulled the blanket over him signaling the end of the conversation.

When they woke up for breakfast they waited patiently in line for their pills and then grabbed a tray. Ryan always took a little extra cause he knew Ray would take too little. When he made it to the table he was met with Geoff, Griffon and Gavin. Geoff and Griffon had their heads bent together secretive smiles on their faces. Ryan hoped they didn’t have sex. Gavin had his head down, face completely focused on the table in front of him, eyes drooping shut and snapping open again.

Ray shuffled in moments later, arms wrapped tightly around his waist and face panicked. He hadn’t slept, Ryan could tell. Jack joined them minutes later looking between Ray and Ryan guiltily.

Ryan ignored it though and pushed his chair out, making his way to join Ray in line. When he reached him he placed a gentle hand on the boy’s arm, “what’s wrong?”

“I- I didn’t…” he was talking fast and stuttered; Ryan had to grab both his shoulders to make him look at him.

“What happened?”

Ray shook his head then, “nothing, sorry, it’s nothing,” his voice was scratched and his eyes tired, Ryan knew he was lying.

“That’s not true is it?” he asked calmly.

“I tried,” the boy admitted, “I tried keeping it down, but… I just, couldn’t,” he confessed, hanging his head in shame.

“Okay,” the blond shrugged. “We can try again today,” he smiled. Ray looked at him in awe, so glad to have someone so supportive in his life. Ryan didn’t leave his side, stayed until he got food and brought it back to the table where Gavin was now completely asleep on his tray, Geoff and Griffon laughing at him and Jack eating his food silently.

So they tried again, Ryan placing bits and pieces of food on the younger boy’s plate, encouraging him to keep eating until almost half of his tray was empty.

When the bell was ringing Lindsay was walking around to assess their plates, smiling at Ray and telling him she was proud.

“What do you wanna do?” Ryan asked then, taking both their trays and walking towards the exit.

“I wanna sleep,” he murmured looking in the direction of his room.

“Okay,” Ryan grabbed his hand and led the way. “Do you want me to stay or leave?” he asked once they were outside.

“Stay?” the other said more like a question, eyes wide.

“Sure,” they walked in, Ray lying down and Ryan sitting at the foot of the bed.

“You can sleep too,” the other looked up at him hands curled around the top of the blanket.

“Okay,”

They slept until the bell for group went off, and when they woke up they both felt refreshed.

~~~

No matter how hard Jack tried to shake off the funk he was in it just wasn’t happening. He sulked his way through the day, not wanting to talk to anyone and when he did he felt like he was bothering them, so he just stayed silent. He didn't try talking in group, or in solo therapy but they obviously knew what was going on since a lot of people were feeling the same things he was, or at least some variation of it. Normally when someone in his group got into a depressive episode they'd give them a day or two to settle into it so they'd be more ready to talk when their doctor finally pulled them apart, a system Jack was grateful for right now. 

After dinner he retreated to his room for the remainder of the day, laying in bed and reading comic books that his parents brought for him every once in a while. He could’ve gone to see Gavin, but he was still quiet and timid when it came to them. Ryan and Ray hadn’t been around much all day and Jack had a good guess it had to do with last night. Geoff and Griffon were attached at the hip today and Jack didn’t wanna bug Caiti so he was stuck by himself.

Until someone knocked on his door.

He opened it to see Caiti herself standing shyly, eyes red and hands shaking. He immediately reached out to her, grabbing her elbows and pulling her close. No matter how shitty his day was seeing her made everything a bit more bearable. She accepted the contact, something she only did with him, shivering.

“What’s wrong?”

“Barbara told me that my dad was on the phone,” she explained, taking deep breaths, “I didn’t wanna answer alone, will you just… can you just sit with me?” she looked up at him pleadingly. He nodded and shut the door, walking with her to the office area where phone calls and visits took place.

Jack pulled a chair up next to her as she attentively picked up the phone. She held it to her ear but didn’t answer right away, taking a deep breath and looking at Jack as if she were scared he had disappeared. When he sat closer and placed a comforting hand on her back she nodded.

“Hello?” she breathed. Jack didn’t hear what her father said back, but the way she cringed back and averted her eyes gave him an idea. “I know, I’m sorry, I was in my room and they had to come find me,” she said quickly. Jack could hear mumbling on the other side, could hear the way Caiti’s breathing picked up. He saw the way her shoulders tensed and immediately reached out to massage them.

“I know, I’m sorry,” she sighed. She winced at what he said next, “I know, I’m sorry,” she repeated, leaning away from Jack’s touch. “Dad-“

She was shaking, hard, Jack didn’t know what to do but he could assume she was about to break down.

“I know, I’m sorry,” she said again, and that’s when Jack decided to do something. “I’m sor-“ he took the phone from her hands and slammed it down, grabbing Caiti’s hand and pulling her with him out of the office.

“Why would you do that?” she tried to sound menacing but it came out on a sob as tears filled her eyes.

“I don’t know what he was saying to you, but you obviously couldn’t handle it,” he snapped. They had made it to his room quickly, stepping in and sitting on the bed, door still wide open as nurses passed by with curious gazes.

“I can handle myself just fine,” she wrapped her arms around herself. Jack reached out for her, pulling back when she ducked away.

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry, I just don’t like seeing you like this,” he explained with a sigh. Her head snapped up to him then, eyes meeting his with a hurt look.

“I can go,” she offered, going to stand off the bed, “I’m sorry I got you,” she was frantic as she looked around, not seeming to remember if she brought anything with her.

“That’s not what I meant,” he said quickly, standing and grabbed her arm. She jumped at the contact and pulled roughly, he released her and held his hands up in defense. “I’m sorry, please don’t go,” he begged.

“I don’t wanna be a bother,” she stated defeated.

“That’s not what I meant; I meant I don’t like seeing other people treat you badly,”

“He wasn’t,” she swore.

“Caiti, you were about to…” he trailed off looking for the right words.

“Freak out?” she suggested.

“Well, yeah,” he shrugged. “I had to get you out of there,”

“Well now he’s gonna be mad at me,” she stomped.

“What’s he gonna do? He isn’t here Caiti,” he argued. That seemed to be the completely wrong thing to say since she started crying, hard. “No Caiti, come on,”

“I’ll talk to you later,” she sniffled, rushing out of the room quicker than Jack could catch her.

It didn’t take him more than two seconds to realize how badly he screwed up. “Fuck!” he didn’t think, just spun and swung, hitting the wall with his fist so hard he punched right through it. When he pulled his hand back it was cracked and bloody from where the wood had split and stabbed at him.

Unfortunately for him Dr. Turney was walking by when the episode happened and since she was Caiti’s doctor she had probably seen the girl leave and came to investigate.

“Jack?” the redheaded woman asked.

“Sorry,” he said immediately, pulling his hand close and cradling it to his chest.

“It’s okay,” her voice was soft as she spoke, reaching out slowly so he’d give her his hand. “Let’s go get you patched up, okay?”

“Okay,” he whispered, following her into the hall. He passed Ray on the way, the boy took one look at Turney and then at Jack’s hand, eyes widening and then he was stopping to watch him, waiting for something, Jack wasn’t sure.

~~~

Gavin, Geoff, Griffon and Ryan had been in the rec room when Ray stalked in, sitting quietly at their table and helping with their puzzle for all of five minutes before he was telling them what he had just seen.

“Jack’s in the nurse’s office,” he blurted.

“What happened?” Geoff tilted his head.

“His hand was bloody and Doctor Turney was escorting him,” he shrugged.

“Let’s go check it out,” Griffon suggested, standing and heading for the door before anyone could agree or disagree.

The others followed closely behind, but they didn’t make it too far before Dr. Burns was passing them and stopping short.

“Gavin, just the man I was looking for,” he smiled. “Let’s go to my office shall we?” he asked. Gavin looked over at Geoff pleadingly but the other boy could only shrug before Griffon was tugging on his sleeve and pulling him away. He turned back to Burns and nodded, gesturing for him to lead the way.

“Am I in trouble?” he asked once they were settled inside.

“No, not at all,” the doctor said, taking a sip of water from his cup in front of him. “I just wanted to talk to you,” he shrugged.

“About?” Gavin was getting impatient quickly, wanting to either be with his companions or in his room, anywhere but here really.

“You’ve been here for a small time now, and you’ve made no progress,” he said bluntly. “Lindsay seems to think otherwise, says you’ve been making friends, but other than that, you aren’t working on yourself,”

“What do you want me to do doc?” he asked letting his gaze pierce the older mans.

“I want you to trust me,” he stated.

“Sorry doc, it takes longer than a few days for that,” Gavin leaned back in the chair then, pulling the sleeves of his sweater down and curling up in the chair.

“Tell me something, humor me here,” Burnie begged.

“My dad was an abusive drunk after my mom left. He made my life hell and I wanted it to end, so here I am,”

“When did the self harm start?” he asked then, leaning closer, elbows resting on his desk.

“You just said tell you some _thing,_ not some _thin_ g _s,”_ he said cheekily.

“I suppose I did,” Burnie said impressed. “We’ll continue that discussion later, but for now I’d like to know how things are going with your friends,”

“What do you mean?”

“How are you after the fight?” he asked.

“I’m fine, I wasn’t actually in it,” he shrugged.

“I know, but you did just tell me you have an abusive father, that type of behavior must be hard to deal with,” he pointed out.

“It’s whatever,” he shrugged again.

“Other than that how do you like your little gang?” the older man smiled.

“They’re fine,”

“You’re a tough one mister Free,” he pointed at him. “Anyway, we can continue tomorrow, it’s late and I’m sure you’d like to see your friends before lights out,” he stood up and walked to the door, opening it for Gavin and letting him go.

“Goodnight doc,” Gavin called behind him, sauntering down the hall to his room, figuring the others had taken care of things with Jack so he wouldn’t need to join, plus it wasn’t like he was all that close with the ginger haired man.

He did pass Ryan in the hall though, giving a small smile as they passed. “Goodnight,” Ryan offered, and then he was gone.

He stumbled into his room, changing into some pajamas and cashing on to his bed. He was still debating on seeing Michael that night or not. Michael had asked him to come back, but he was going to be freed the day after tomorrow so Gavin wasn’t sure if it was worth risking again.

Soon they were calling lights out and doing checks, Barbara normally stopped by Gavin’s room to say goodnight, but this time it was Lindsay.

“I switched with Barb for first checks,” she explained when he looked at her puzzled.

“Okay?”

“He really wants to see you,” she told him, looking around the hall to make sure no other nurses or doctors were around.

“And you’re telling me this because?” he said patiently.

“Just cause,” she shrugged, “look, the kid likes you; he wants to be your friend. Just go,” she pouted.

“What kind of nurse are you?” he scoffed.

“One that cares,” she winked. “Goodnight,”

He wasn’t going to go. Lindsay was wrong, he didn’t need people as friends, and he had the others that he talked to, but he wouldn’t classify them as friends. He knew he wouldn’t talk to any of them ever again once he was free, so really what was the point? Sure he had enjoyed the company the night before, but Michael was too touchy and nosy and Gavin had enough nosy people walking around this place.

He had too much going on here, and something that Burns had said did get to him. He wasn’t working on himself. And while he didn’t plan on giving his life story to his doctor, he did think maybe it would be good to focus on what he really needed.

He needed to get out of there, get home, but he knew they wouldn’t let him while he was still so closed off. He supposed he could just make something up, give them a lovely sob story and pretend that he was getting better, but Gavin had always been a shit actor and he wasn’t that creative.

The quieter it got around him, footsteps fading as nurses and doctors passed or patients went to the bathroom, it got too much. When it was quiet Gavin had to fill the silence with something, and it wasn’t like they let him have an iPod in this place. He wasn’t much of a singer so he didn’t wanna try that and he couldn’t ask someone else to sing to him cause not only was he alone, but that would just be weird.

With the silence came exhaustion leading to Gavin laying in bed, but no matter how tired he was, how much his eyes drooped shut, he couldn’t let himself go to sleep for some reason. Eyes always snapping open and body jolting awake, he assumed it was because of the bed. While extremely comfortable and warm it just wasn’t the same as home.

The word seemed foreign on his tongue. Maybe it was because he might’ve lived in that house for four years now, but he stopped calling it home a long time ago. He did miss Dan though. He was pissed at him when he first arrived, felt betrayed, but he did know Dan was doing what he thought was best, bless his heart. So he stopped resenting him and started missing him, not that he’d ever admit it.

The more he thought about Dan, the more alone he felt, and while he loved being alone more than anything, he hated feeling _lonely._ Then his mind wandered to Michael, who was also alone at the moment and Gavin felt guilty.

With a sigh he was throwing the blankets back and swinging his legs over the side, letting his feet touch the soft ground. He grabbed a sweatshirt off the chair in his room and threw it on padding to the door and into the hall, hood up over his head.

Like the night before he went to the bathroom first, acting like it was the only reason he was out of bed. Once he finished washing his hands he slipped out and looked both ways scurrying down the hall to 205, a path he knew well, and knocking on the door.

“Come in,” Michael called out. Gavin pushed the door open and wandered in, letting it swing shut behind him. “What took so long?” he asked grabbing Gavin’s arm and pulling him towards the bed. Gavin flinched then, tugging at his arm until Michael released him.

“I heard voices in the hall for a long time, had to make sure it was safe,” he lied easily sitting cautiously next to the other on the bed.

“Oh,” he nodded, “so how was your day?”

“Griffon sat with us at meals again, Ray and Ryan have been really quiet, Jack went to the nurses, hurt his hand or something-“ he rambled but then Michael was cutting him off.

“That’s nice, but how was _your_ day?”

“Why?” he asked.

“I wanna know,” he shrugged.

“It was boring, I had therapy and stayed in my room for most of the day,” he said simply, leaning back so he was lying down. He jumped when he felt a hand touching his.

“I’m glad you came,” Michael admitted.

“Thanks?” he whispered unsurely. Michael chuckled and turned so his stomach was on the bed.

“I’m almost free,” he said then, grin on his face.

“Yeah, you are,” the other nodded.

“We can finally hang out in the real world!” he cheered then, maybe a little too loudly since Gavin had to shush him and they waited for over five minutes in silence in case anyone came by.

“Be quiet,” he hissed, “I can’t get caught in here,”

“Sorry princess,” Michael rolled his eyes, missing the way Gavin shrunk back at the name, rolling so he was on the edge of the bed.

“Sorry,” he murmured. He was starting to hate that the door was locked, otherwise he would’ve left, but instead he just stayed put, taking deep breaths and waiting for Michael to say something.

 _Princess_ had been one of the big nicknames at home, since his dad wasn’t exactly thrilled that his son was gay. First his mom left, then he came out, and then it was all a downhill spiral for papa Free.

“How long do you think you’ll be here?” the redhead asked suddenly.

“Probably a while,” he shrugged, “Doctor Burns told me today that ‘I’m a tough one’ and that I haven’t been working on myself,” he rolled his eyes.

“Well why not?” Michael asked.

“What?”

“Why haven’t you been trying to get better? That’s what we’re all here for right?” he asked.

“That’s what _most_ of us are here for,” Gavin started, “I’m here because my friend caught me on the brink of death and called an ambulance,” he admitted, ignoring the small intake of breath Michael took.

“Gav-“

“Don’t,” he sat up, “don’t say my name all sad and try to convince me that life is worth living. That may be the case for some people here, but it’s not for me,” he barked.

“Okay,”

“Okay?” Gavin looked down at him, eyes narrow.

“Yeah, okay,” he shrugged. “You don’t wanna hear it, I won’t say it,” he told him.

“I think you’re the first person who’s listened when I said that,” he muttered. Michael reached out for his hand, pulling away as if slapped when Gavin shifted away. “Sorry,”

“Don’t be, I need to work on that,” he confessed, bringing his hands to his lap and folding them over each other.

“I just, it brings back too much,” Gavin admitted, head down, but out of the corner of his eye he saw Michael nod.

He opened his mouth to speak but they were stopped when they heard a knock on the door. “Guys,” Lindsay whispered as she stuck her head in. “Let’s go,”

“Goodnight Gavin,” Michael said, not reaching out for him this time. Gavin was thankful when he said it back and left the room.

“Night,” he whispered to Lindsay.

That night he walked into his room and tumbled into bed, small smile on his face, not that anyone had to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there you go! I hope you enjoyed it and I hope to hear from some of you soon!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp...   
> Gonna be honest. I completely planned on starting this again right after I finished It Was Always You but found that work and writers block were kicking my ass. So, I apologize for how long this took and please bare with me here because after coming back to this I noticed that the plan out I had made for this was really rushed and messy so I'm still organizing that and figuring out what I wanna do with this before I finish. Hopefully I can at least figure out the next chapter soon so I can get it up ASAP.

Gavin felt wrong when he woke up the next morning. Like something wasn’t right. He felt… dirty but he figured that was because he had rushed through his shower the night before in a mad rush to see Michael and ended up putting the same clothes back on. 

He climbed out of bed and rubbed the sleep from his eyes frantically, rushing towards his bag to get some fresh clothes. He knew he didn’t have that many, that he had only taken maybe five shirts and a few pairs of pants, so why was it that he felt like his bag was suddenly endless, cluttered with useless junk that didn’t make sense? 

He pushed aside a pair of sweatpants when he saw it. 

A grey and white striped t-shirt that didn’t belong to him. 

It was Dan’s, one he wore every monday without thought but Gavin knew it was just because it was his favorite and sunday was laundry day. 

He was wearing it when Gavin woke up in the hospital, sitting in the corner with his head in his hands, shirt stained with his tears and snot. 

“You look like shit,” Gavin said, voice rough. Dan’s head snapped up faster than Gavin thought possible and then he was at his bedside, hands wrapping around Gavin’s and squeezing tightly.

“I thought you- I didn’t- I’m sorry,”

Gavin never answered him. Not a ‘me too’, or a ‘it’s okay’ because truth be told, Gavin wasn’t sorry and it wasn’t okay. He didn’t want to forgive Dan, so he said nothing and Dan left three hours later with his head down. 

When he was packing his bags for his undetermined stay at ‘Hell Hospital’ four days later Dan showed up with a small smile and a folded shirt in his arms. 

“I want you to have this B,”

“Dan, I-”

“Don’t, it’s okay,”

He nodded and took the shirt shutting the door with a small wave right after.

He was glad Dan didn’t let him finish because he really didn’t know what he was going to say. He was also upset that Dan had just let him go without another word, didn’t demand some kind of confirmation that Gavin still cared about him, but maybe he knew Gavin still did. God Gavin hoped he did. He was mad, of course he was, had been for the first few days but he didn’t hate Dan, didn’t want bad things for him, he just didn’t know how to express that and now...

He couldn’t breathe. 

What if Dan had been spending the last two weeks thinking that Gavin hated him? What if he had been sitting in class trying to learn the value of X or following along in whatever Shakespeare play their English teacher had picked that week and he was just thinking about the fact that his best friend might not like him anymore, might not hang out with him ever again or speak to him again.

And not just that, what the hell could Dan have thought when he walked into the bathroom to see Gavin bleeding out? Surely he hadn’t forgotten about it already. Gavin knew Dan well, he had the biggest heart in the world and he loved Gavin like a brother, it had to have been destroying him.

He tried not to think about Dan much since he arrived, didn’t wanna overwhelm himself but standing in the middle of his room with Dan’s shirt clutched tightly in his hands made it hit him so much harder. 

He could hear all the other patients walking around the hall, voices quiet and then louder as they passed his room towards the cafeteria. They were unfamiliar, happier and Gavin felt like his chest was caving in on itself. He threw the shirt across the room and paced for all of five seconds before his knees gave out and he hit the floor, arms coming up to wrap around himself while he struggled to catch any air. 

The voices kept coming and going, some deep and still sleepy and others loud and awake. He felt dizzy trying to keep up with all the conversations he heard snippets of before two voices that sounded vaguely familiar approached, growing louder until they were stopped right in front of his door, feet casting shadows under the door..

“I’m just saying, it makes no sense,” Ray said.

“It doesn’t have to make sense,” Ryan answered. “It’s fact,”

“Whatever,” Ray answered and then there was a knock on Gavin’s door but he couldn’t say anything. Couldn’t move to answer it, couldn’t make a sound. The knocks came again a second later but still Gavin couldn’t move, and then the door was pushed open slowly and he was pushing himself back, back until he hit the wall and buried his face in his arms. 

“Gavin?” Ryan asked before the door had fully swung open, freezing when it hit the wall behind it and the light of the hallway lit the top of Gavin’s head as he shook. “Shit,” he sighed, moving further into the room and taking a seat on the bed, careful to not touch the other boy. “Gavin, do you want us to get Burns?” He rocked side to side and Ryan knew he was telling him no. “Okay,”

“Hey Rye,” Ray spoke up suddenly. “Maybe you should go for a bit?” he suggested but the look on his face told Ryan there was no room for debate.

“Sure,” he nodded. “Get me if you need anything,” he said allowed but it was more for Gavin than Ray. He shut the door quietly behind him and it took Ray longer than he would’ve liked for him to say something.

“I’m gonna sit next to you okay?” he whispered, crawling just a bit closer. When Gavin didn’t protest he moved again until he was leaning back against the wall with him. “I’m gonna rub your back okay?” he announced, doing so when he didn’t do anything again. “Okay, I want you to do me a favor. Everytime my hand reaches the top of your back I want you to breathe in and when I reach the bottom I want you to breathe out. Do you think you can do that?” still he didn’t respond but Ray thought he’d try it anyway. 

It took a few tries but eventually Gavin was letting out a shaky breath and trying to keep up with Ray who eventually slowed down to give him some time. 

Ray wouldn’t really consider himself an expert on calming people down, but he had needed this sorta thing multiple times now and found that this was what worked best. 

“Do you want me to leave?” he asked when Gavin was finally caught up, arms relaxing slightly. 

“N- not yet,” 

Ray was actually kind of shocked. But he understood what was going on and to be honest even if Gavin had told him to leave he probably wouldn't have. At least not without telling one of the nurses. 

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

“No,” Gavin said quickly. 

“Okay, we won't talk,”

And they didn't. Ray didn't know what Ryan did but he must have told one of the nurses or doctors on breakfast duty that they wouldn't be arriving because no one interrupted them for twenty minutes until Lindsay was knocking on the door and pushing it open the tiniest bit. 

“I've got it from here,” she told Ray motioning to the hall. He nodded and left, throwing a quick reassuring look to Gavin who looked so small and alone. 

~~~

Michael had been on house arrest before. He knew the whole song and dance of behaving and not making an attempt to talk to anyone when they let him out for the bathroom or food. He knew that he was supposed to use the time alone in his room to reflect on his poor choices and if he was really unlucky they’d expect him to have some sort of formal apology ready for when they released him. 

This was the first time though that he had a guest other than the nurses that were assigned to him for the day and now that his three days of hell were over he couldn’t wait to get back into the swing of things. Mainly because he wanted to see Gavin, but he also missed his other friends and as much as he hated to admit it he liked being around the other patients. 

All he had to do now was make it through his debriefing meeting with.

When Barbara pushed his door open that morning with a grin he was off of his bed and standing in front of her in record time bouncing on the balls of his feet until she took pity on him and led him out of the room.

“You’ve gotta talk to Doctor Hullum first,” she explained as they walked past the cafeteria.

“Yeah yeah, I know the drill,” he waved her off. They reached his office and waited after a quick knock to be invited in and soon Barbara was ushering him inside and shutting the door behind him to give them privacy. 

“Please, sit,” Doctor Hullum gestured to the plush blue chair in front of his desk. Michael sat with his hands folded in his lap and his head held high, waiting for him to continue. “You did really well,” he commented approvingly. Michael beamed at him but when the doctors eyes hardened he looked away. “Michael, this is the last time I’ll allow this. You’ve been in and out of here many times, you know better,”

“Yes sir,”

“One more incident and I’m not taking you back. If you mess up again you’ll deal with a punishment issued by a judge far worse than this,”

“This isn’t so bad,” he joked with a shrug but when Hullum didn’t crack a smile at all Michael sank lower. 

This was the part he hated. The after house arrest discussion. He thought that after having had it so many times before that maybe he’d have his answers written out in his head so he could get in and out as soon as possible. It took nearly an hour the first time. 

“Michael,”

“Sorry,” he mumbled.

“Look, I know why you did it, but you can’t solve all of your problems with violence. You’ve gotta start applying some of the coping strategies we’ve mapped out to your life or you will never help yourself,”

“I know,”

“I don’t think you do Michael, and that worries me.” He didn’t know if he was supposed to answer or not so he just kept his head down and waited. “I don’t know what else to try here Michael,”

Michael’s head snapped up, eyes wide. 

This was new. 

Doctor Hullum never ran out of ideas. He was annoyingly prepared for every situation and more often than not Michael found his mind overloaded with no information and techniques that he knew he’d never remember in the moment but he’d try to store them away just to make the other man happy. 

But hearing that he had come up with nothing for Michael in the last three days was honestly… a little scary. 

“You did your three days, and you excelled at them, but Michael, I can’t have you out there being a danger to other patients, people trying to get themselves together and figure everything out. I can’t have you being a threat,”

“I won’t be,” he assured quickly but he was met with a pointed look.

“How many times have I heard that before?” 

“A lot,” Michael sighed. 

“Michael, how do you feel when I tell you that other patients here are scared of you?” 

“Depends on who it is really,” he shrugged. 

He was kind of used to that really. People being terrified of him when he walked by with bloodied knuckles or a blackened eye from a fight the night before. He had seen people visibly recoil when he’d walk in a classroom back in school, it didn’t really affect him anymore. 

“Michael,” Hullum snapped. “You need to be serious. You’ve chosen to come here every single time you’ve gone to court because you are too scared to be out in the real world, on your own. I can’t let you out there being a threat to innocent people but I can’t have you terrorizing people in here either,”

“It won’t happen again,” he said firmly. “That was a sensitive situation and-”

“Not an excuse, you use your words from now on,”

“Okay,” he couldn’t make eye contact anymore. 

“Now, if there are no more incidents I still believe that you’ll be here for a few more months, so until you start using your words and handling crap situations like an adult you should get comfortable,” 

Michael nodded, staring out the window behind Doctor Hullum.

“I won’t bore you anymore, get out of here,”

“Thanks,” 

“I’ll see you tomorrow,”

“Okay,”

When he got out of the room Barbara pushed herself off the wall across from the office door and walked up to him placing a hand on his shoulder. “You good?” she asked. 

He let out a long breath and muttered a curse before he looked up at her and nodded. “Fine,”

“He’s serious you know,” she whispered as they started walking back towards the cafe. “He will kick you out next time,”

“I got it,” he hissed. She looked apologetic but he knew she was trying to be helpful. He couldn’t afford to fuck up again, no way would his parents take him back in if he got kicked out of the only place that held any hope for him to have a decent future. 

She let him go when they got to the cafe so he made his way quickly through the line for breakfast before walking towards Geoff, Jack and Ryan at a table in the middle of the room. Jack had his head down on the table, tray pushed away from him while Ryan and Geoff seemed to be having some sort of hushed conversation.

“What’s up bitches?” he asked, shoving in next to Ryan and dropping his tray loudly next to Jack’s head. They hardly looked at him before going back to their previous positions. “‘Michael, we missed you so much. This place is so boring without your dazzling personality and quick wit.’ Aw thanks guys, I missed you so much,” he mocked. Jack at least looked up long enough to glare at him and flip him off before he dropped his head back down. “Whatever, where’s Ray and Gav?” he asked looking at the other two.

“Gavin had some sort of panic attack this morning so Ray stayed with him until Lindsay took him away and now Ray is with Ashley,” Geoff explained, shooting a worried look at Ryan when Michael jumped from his seat ready to go searching but Ryan was quick to grab his arm and shove him back down.

“He’ll be okay, let him breathe,” his voice was firm and Michael knew that he was just gonna have to wait it out. 

He really hoped that it didn’t have anything to do with the night before. Gavin had left on a kind of awkward note but Michael assumed that he would be okay and now… 

His first day of freedom was off to a pretty shitty start. 

~~~

Ashley had a way of looking at her patients like she was staring into their souls. Like she could see into your past, present and future but wouldn’t tell you all of the horrible things she saw. 

“Wait,” she held a hand up cutting Ray off mid sentence, “you actually  _ want  _ a roommate when Miles leaves?” 

Ray didn’t see why it was so hard for her to understand. It wasn’t like he really  _ hated  _ everyone, why was it so bizarre that he might want to have someone else in the room with him at night?

“Yes,” he said calmly. 

“I figured you’d love to have some alone time with him gone,” she tried to sound nonchalant but Ray knew her ‘I’m your therapist, but I’m not trying to sound like it,’ voice all too well.

“Gavin’s my friend,” he shrugged. “I think he should room with someone,”

She took a few moments before answering, looking thoughtful. Ray hoped maybe she’d just say okay and leave it alone but of course he couldn’t get that lucky. “Are you afraid of being alone Ray?” He wanted to scream. Her voice was entirely too innocent and soft, eyes hard, but searching. 

“No, I’m afraid of Gavin being alone,” he snapped but when her eyes widened and she sat back in her chair he huffed out a breath and crossed his arms over his chest. “Sorry,”

“Ray, has Gavin said something?”

He tilted his head at her before he registered what he had said, had insinuated. “No, no! Nothing like that, God no, I just… this morning when we found him, he was all alone. And who knows how long he had been freaking out before then,”

“I can speak to Doctor Burns,”

“Okay,” he nodded. He tried to give her a smile but she was still staring at him, eyebrows knit together. He could see the cogs in her head twisting. 

“If,” she started slowly.  _ Oh here we go.  _ “If he says something, you’d let us know immediately right?”

“God yes,” he hissed. “That’s not what I meant, don’t twist my words,”

Ashley just raised a brow and nodded once before looking back down at her desk. “Okay, I’ll talk to Burns and see if we can have Gavin and Miles switch ASAP,”

“Thank you,” he breathed, standing up to walk out when Ashley cleared her throat behind him.

“We aren’t done. I wanna talk more about you,” she gestured back to the seat in front of her and Ray knew running wouldn’t get him anywhere so he turned around and slumped back into it. 

“Jesus Christ,” he mumbled not really expecting her to hear him or say anything but then she squared her shoulders and sat up straighter. 

“Ray, the sooner you start cooperating the sooner you leave. Don’t you get it?”

“I just hate talking,”

“Yes I know, and that’s part of the reason you’re still here,” 

“Whatever,”

“Is that how it’s gonna be today? I agree to help you out and you refuse to speak to me? If I start asking you questions about you are you gonna answer or brush me off because I have no problem letting you room alone and finding Gavin a different roommate,”

“Is this some weird kind of blackmail?”

“I’m not trying to threaten you, I’m just trying to get you to play along. Humor me,” she begged. 

“Fine, ask away,”

“When was the last time you purged or thought about it?”

“Man, you don’t beat around the bush at all,”

“Ray,”

“I don’t know, a few days ago,”

“Which one?” she pressed.

“I thought about it,” the lie slipped off his tongue easily and he hoped that she’d buy it.

“Okay,” she didn’t. He could see she didn’t but she decided not to press him, scribbing something down on her notepad before she looked back up at him and smiled. “How many hours of sleep would you say you’ve gotten the last few days?”

“Enough,” he shrugged. “I don’t really count,”

“Enough as in enough to function or enough to function  _ properly? _ ”

“The second one I guess,”

“Okay, and how have your friends been? Good? Any arguments or awkwardness between anyone?” 

He didn’t really know what that had to do with him but Ashley always seemed to have something up her sleeve.

“Nope,”

“Okay,” she nodded again. She clicked her pen a few times before she let it drop onto the desk and sighed. “You’re probably ready to get back right?” she asked. He nodded skeptically. “Okay, how about you stop by tomorrow after breakfast and I’ll let you know about the roommate situation?”

“Okay?” 

“See you then,”

He walked slowly out the door, like she was going to call out a ‘Just kidding!’ and make him sit back down for an undetermined amount of time but when the door shut behind him and she hadn’t said a word he booked it to the rec room before she could change her mind and bust through the door.

He was hoping that he’d find Gavin with the others so he could at least talk to him about it first because it hadn’t really occurred to Ray that maybe Gavin didn’t want a roommate but when he reached the rec room he noticed that Gavin was not sitting with his friends while they played checkers. He pulled up a chair and slid in next to Ryan and Jack, ignoring the concerned looks he got from them. Gavin must’ve still been with Burns which was probably a good thing after the state he had been in earlier. 

He’d just talk to him later he decided.

~~~

Sometimes Jack’s parents would come to visit, actually, it wasn’t just  _ sometimes  _ they were always there it felt like. Nearly every week they showed up to drop off some clothes for him or visit and talk for hours until they were politely asked to leave so he could get back to whatever they were doing. 

Only, they didn’t get the chance to show up last week, and they had called, of course they did, but it still hurt. He knew he couldn’t let it though, they had lives they needed to live, jobs and friends, he couldn’t keep holding them back and while they were wholly supportive and loving he felt bad that they had to take time out of their day to call or worry about him. He put them in a really unfortunate situation, taking away from their popular dinner parties and family gatherings because he couldn’t get the hang of his illness. They had to put everything on hold, to the point that his father was almost fired because he was coming in so infrequently from countless trips to the high school when a teacher was concerned. 

Normally he just tried to suck it up and handle it, but this week it was hard. Hard because he just couldn’t shake the feeling that he was wasting time, time and money and happiness trapped in a hospital where he couldn’t figure himself out. Normally he sat in the rec room and read with Caiti, or play card games or even just sit in his room and reorganize things or take cat naps throughout the day, but not this time. 

This time Caiti was avoiding him. He could tell from the moment he walked into the cafe and she was already seated at a table for two in the corner, her feet kicked up on the other chair as a sign that she wasn’t looking for company. He still considered walking over there and pulling another chair up but at the same time he didn’t want to freak her out so instead he had sulked through the normal morning routine and sit with his head down. 

This time the rec room seemed like such a pointless place to be, he had probably read every book in there ten times by now and he couldn’t bring himself to even pick up his favorites. This time he didn’t wanna play card games or board games or socialize and as tired as he constantly felt he couldn’t fall the fuck asleep because all he could do was think about how  _ pathetic  _ he was. 

His hand was still wrapped up and itchy and it just reminded him of how he had lost it the night before, how he had sat in Joel’s office for nearly an hour in silence before Joel sent him back to his room for the night promising to speak tomorrow. 

To say that Jack was having trouble the last few days would be an understatement and he knew himself well enough to know that this was only the beginning of a long downslope. He managed to make it through breakfast and a bit of downtime before he noticed Joel walk into the rec room and head for their table, tapping him on the shoulder and nodding towards the door as a signal for Jack to follow. He walked out without a goodbye to his friends and soon found himself back in the familiar red cushioned chair across from his therapist.

“Feel like talking now?” he raised a brow.

“Yeah,”

“Good,” Joel smiled at him, a real one, not the fake ‘Open up to me. Trust me,’ one that Jack saw a lot at the beginning. “How are you feeling today?”

“Honest answer or progress answer?” he challenged. Joel just tilted his head at him without a word. “I’m exhausted,” he sighed. “I feel like I keep messing up,”

“And why is that?”

“I made Caiti upset last night,”

“Is that what happened with your hand?” he asked gesturing to the white bandages. 

“Yeah, I just got so mad and I wasn’t even thinking,”

“Do you think your medication is working?”

“It does most of the time,” he shrugged. “Last night I just… kinda lost it,”

“What was it that made her upset with you?”

“She was talking to her dad and I don’t know, he was being a dick, she was unhappy. I hung up the phone,”

“And have you tried talking to her today?”

“I don’t think she wants to see me,”

“Have you  _ tried?” _ he repeated.

“No,”

“Maybe you should,” he suggested. “At least apologize and let her handle the rest, you seem to be holding onto a lot of bad feelings and thoughts,”

“Obviously,” 

“It’s time for you to start letting the happier thoughts in too don’t you think? Tell her how you feel and let that be it. If she forgives you it’s settled, if not, life will go on,”

“But-”

“Jack, since you’ve gotten here you’ve walked on eggshells with all of your friends and groupmates. Every time you’re on a down I ask you what’s going on and you claim that you’ve done something to upset someone and even if they really don’t care in the end or they accept your apology you seem to harbor that bad feeling,”

“I mean…”

“Exactly, no argument. It’s okay to mess up, but it’s also okay to keep living and going and you can be apologetic and upset for a while but you can’t let it consume you,”

“So what do I do now?”

“Talk to her, apologize and walk away, let her think about it and get back to you,”

“Okay,”

“Now, your emotions got to you last night, but you saw the medication works fine other than that?”

“Yes,”

“Do you want to try upping the dosage then or just wait it out?”

“I don’t wanna up it anymore,”

“Okay, then maybe we should start working on some coping mechanisms to avoid further injuries to yourself,”

“Okay,”

“Let’s get started,” he smiled.

~~~

For the first time since Gavin had arrived at this hell hole of a hospital he actually felt like talking to Doctor Burns. 

Not immediately though, when he had finally calmed down enough to let Lindsay guide him to Burns’ office he just wanted to keep his mouth shut and his head down until everything went away and he could figure out some way to play it cool. But Doctor Burns didn’t pester him for info right away, in fact he just put on some classical music and sat back in his chair giving Gavin time to organize his thoughts. Gavin counted the songs that passed, at least four and they were  _ long  _ too. At least twenty minutes had passed before Doctor Burns was shutting off his iPhone and crossing his hands on his desk in front of him. His gaze wasn’t heated or piercing, not even searching really, just… understanding and Gavin quite appreciated it.

“Sorry,” he said finally, making eye contact briefly before he looked back down at the floor in front of him. 

“Don’t be, this stuff happens to everyone,” 

“I just…” he bit his lip and closed his eyes trying to figure out how to explain it. “I think that when I left, I gave someone the wrong impression,” he knew it sounded vague, but he couldn’t really bring himself to say much else yet. Burns seemed to accept it though, in fact he looked ecstatic that Gavin had said anything at all.

“And what impression do you think you left this person with?”

“I think that… I’m worried that he might think I hate him,”

“And why might he think that?”

“Because I was angry with him, and when he came to say goodbye to me I didn’t really do anything to change his thoughts,”

“Okay,” Burns nodded, picking up his pen to write on his notepad before letting it fall with a thud back onto the desk. “Why were you angry with him?”

Gavin squeezed his eyes shut and let out a long breath before he opened them and looked up at his therapist. “He found me,” 

He didn’t need to elaborate it seemed because Burns leaned back in his chair and folded his hands over his stomach. “Ah, the best friend,”

“Dan,” Gavin added.

“And what caused all of this today?” his voice was calm. 

“He gave me his shirt,” 

“And you saw it?” he guessed. Gavin could only nod. “Do you want to keep it?”

“What?”

“Do you want to give it to me for safekeeping?”

“No, I like it. I just… thought of him,”

“Are you still angry at him?”

“I don’t know to be honest,”

“Do you want to call him? You are allowed access to the phones here,” 

“Not yet,”

“Okay, he can even come visit if you’d like,”

“Maybe later. I don’t really want him to see me like… this,”

“Like what? Healing?” Burns asked, voice hard.

“You know what I mean,” Gavin snapped. He didn’t think he was being that ridiculous. Dan didn’t deserve to see him broken. And knowing Dan he’d feel guilty and hate himself and Gavin couldn’t have that on his conscious. 

“Well maybe we can start with the shirt,”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, you had a pretty massive reaction to seeing a shirt today from someone that obviously cares about you a great deal. Maybe you should try wearing it or keeping it near so you don’t have a problem with it next time,”

“I was overreacting,”

“Gavin, it may feel silly, but people have different reactions to certain things, some big and some small and it’s okay if something important to you, something that affects you greatly is a shirt,” 

“I guess,”

“Do me a favor, put it away tonight, and maybe in a few days you could try wearing it,” 

“Maybe,”

“Okay,” 

“Can I… can I leave now?” 

Burns just raised a brow at him but he still cracked a smile and nodded. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” he nodded heading for the door. He stopped in front of it though, looking back over his shoulder. “Thanks Doctor Burns, I mean, I know it’s your job and all but still,” he shrugged.

“You’re welcome Gavin, and please call me Burnie,”

“I know what you’re trying to do,”

“And what is that?”

“You’re trying to be my friend,” 

“Maybe I am,” he shrugged. 

“It won’t work Burns,” he found himself smiling a little bit and when the other man just laughed and let Gavin walk out he felt a lot better.

It had been a while since someone just listened to him without judgement, and yeah, he was getting paid, but Gavin decided to just let it feel nice for now. 

~~~

Sorola was off his game. Everyone in group had managed to piss him off to the point that he released them early and left the room muttering curses under his breath. Geoff almost felt bad but then Griffon was holding her hand up for a high five before motioning towards the door and leading the way to her room. Geoff ignored the strange look he got from Ryan and followed like a puppy, sitting on the edge of her bed after she flopped down onto it, staring at the ceiling. 

“What do you wanna do? We’ve got an hour until dinner,” Geoff asked. Griffon’s hand found his next to his leg pulling it towards her.

“I don’t know, it’s been a long day, let’s just hang out,”

“Okay,” he tried to keep his voice calm and not let it slip that he was internally freaking out. Griffon was holding his damn hand.

He knew it didn’t  _ really  _ mean anything, Griffon liked physical attention, he knew that. Their whole group knew that and she had admitted it many times to get a rise out of Sorola, but Geoff couldn’t help wondering if maybe this was something more intimate. She was always more affectionate with him, linked arms walking through the halls or even holding his hand like now, but this was the first time it wasn’t really for a specific reason, pity. This was just boredom. 

It was a stupid though, but… she was here for having a serious sex problem, yet, as far as he knew she hadn’t tried to sleep with anyone while she was here and Geoff wasn’t really upset about it, but he was there and she hadn’t put the moves on him. And he didn’t really think it was just her trying to cooperate and get better because she made a point to talk about how great sex was in every meeting so really Geoff was just at a loss. 

He knew Ryan was starting to get worried about how much time Geoff spent with her or talking about her and maybe he should’ve been too, but he couldn’t really bring himself to be all too cautious. 

They had been silent for a few minutes when Griffon took a deep breath and squeezed Geoff’s hand. “After sleeping over my friends house,” she started, voice thick. Geoff’s eyes widened and he found himself sitting up straighter. “I didn’t really know what to do. Was I supposed to tell an adult? His sister? Fight back? They don’t really teach you that in schools,”

“Griffon, you don’t have to-”

“You told me,” she sat up, turning to face him. “It’s only fair,”

“Okay,”

“I didn’t do anything and for a few weeks I just had her sleep over my house, but then my parents were going away for a weekend and wanted me to stay with her and because she was my best friend and I didn’t want her to get suspicious I did it,”

“Jesus,” Geoff mumbled, reaching out to take her other hand as well.

“I woke up again and he told me that if I told anyone he’d ruin my life. I believed him,” her eyes were damp and Geoff wanted nothing more than to comfort her, let her stop and just relax, but she was determined. “Over time he started playing head games, convinced me that my body was my only good feature, told me I should just start sleeping with him. So I did,”

“Griffon, I’m so sorry,”

“Oh, it gets better,” she tried to sound joking but Geoff knew she was hurting. “Turns out, my best friend knew the whole time,” she rolled her eyes. 

“What?” 

“He had done it to her when she was younger, she knew and never did anything to help me. So I realized that I didn’t need to be her friend anymore and haven’t spoken to her since,”

“And then you came here?” he asked with a tilted head.

“Nope. It turns out that betrayal and heartbreak are pretty strong emotions so I decided to just keep going. Why not sleep with everyone ya know?” she shrugged. Geoff’s eyebrows knit together and he noticed that Griffon wasn’t really looking at him anymore. “It was shit logic but in my head it made sense. And then my mom started catching me sneaking people in and out of the house in the middle of the night and as a ‘Good Christian Woman,’” she added air quotes. “She decided that I needed to get help because she didn’t want me to ruin her good name. So here I am,”

“Griffon,” Geoff’s voice was soft and Griffon must have sensed pity or something because soon she was pulling her hands out of his and laying back down.

“It’s whatever. I just thought maybe you should know since you poured your heart out,” her voice was teasing now and Geoff didn’t know if he should argue with her or let it go. He decided for the sake of her comfort he’d let it go for now. He laid down a few inches away from her, careful not to let any part of them touch but then her hand found his again and squeezed. “Thanks,”

“I didn’t do anything,”

“You’re a good listener. I don’t really like talking in group or in solo sessions for that matter, but you make it easier,”

The grin that stretched across Geoff’s face nearly split him in two but he only nodded and squeezed her hand back.

~~~

Turns out Ashley had called Doctor Burns almost immediately after Ray and her had met because right after dinner when everyone was settled into the rec room the two doctors walked in and headed straight for Ray’s table. Gavin slumped down in his seat, clearly thinking that something bad was about to happen and everyone else's eyes were split between the two youngest.

“Gavin,” Doctor Burns greeted.

“Hi,” his voice was quiet and his fists were clenched tightly in his lap.

No one knew what had happened after Gavin had been whisked away that morning but Ray knew that at some point he would’ve had to speak with his therapist. He had joined them in the gym earlier moving straight to the treadmill and starting a nice walk without a word. Michael had pulled off his boxing gloves immediately, setting them on the bench next to the station before moving towards the Brit. Ray didn’t know what was said between the two but after Michael talking for a few minutes with minimal response he seemed to relax and get onto the treadmill next to him. They didn’t really talk again until dinner but that was more just pointless conversation about the weather or stupid things that happened in group or solo sessions. Now Gavin had clammed right up, looking up at Burns with uncertainty written all over his face.

“I’m here with good news,” Burns held up his hands. Gavin just nodded at him before he seemed to notice Ashley and looked at her and Ray with a raised brow. “Ashley came to me to tell me that you have a roommate request,” 

Everyone at the table looked at Ray who just shrugged and looked down at his hands in his lap. 

“So,” Ashley broke the silence. “I figured since Miles is leaving soon we could treat him to a single room and move Gavin in with Ray,”

“If you want,” Ray spoke up. The last thing he wanted was for Gavin to feel trapped. 

“We can move you guys right now if you’d like,” Burns added. 

Gavin was silent, looking at Doctor Burns before his body seemed to relax and he looked at Ray with soft eyes. “I- uh… yeah, sure,” 

“Great,” Ashley clapped, looking around the room for Ray’s current roommate and making a beeline for him.

So twenty minutes later everyone was standing in Ray and Mil-  _ Gavin’s  _ room after helping Gavin and Miles pack up their things and swap them around. Miles even hugged Ray goodbye not knowing that Ray had all but begged to get rid of him. He almost felt bad, but when Gavin finally sat on his new bed with his duffel bag next to him and let out what sounded like a sigh of relief Ray found that he was actually kind of… excited. 

“Alright,” Doctor Burns clapped. “Now, if there are any issues or concerns let one of us know immediately okay?” he was looking at Gavin but Ray had a feeling it was meant for both of them so he nodded as well and soon the two doctors were walking out, leaving the door open because the two boys had a few guests in their room.

“It’ll be like a constant slumber party,” Ray exclaimed when no one had said anything for a few minutes. Gavin at least cracked a smile while everyone let out a little chuckle so he decided he’d take it.

“Are there any new rules I should know about? Something about living with another person?” 

“Don’t get physical,” Ryan shrugged. “Not really, just ya know, be respectful,” he looked at Jack for further input but all he got was a shrug. 

“Alright!” Geoff stood up from Ray’s bed and took a step towards the door. “This has been awesome, but I’m exhausted so I’m gonna crash early,” 

“Me too,” Jack mumbled following him out. 

“Might as well,” Ryan went to follow but stopped in the doorway turning back to Ray. “Walk me over?” he smiled. Ray just rolled his eyes and followed. 

“So,” Michael said when everyone else was gone. Gavin was still sitting on his bed, playing with the blanket in his lap. “Are you really okay with this?” he asked.

“I think so,” Gavin admitted. Michael moved to sit next to him, trying not to be upset when Gavin scooted a few inches away from him. 

“That’s good then, Ray likes you,” he smiled but Gavin’s eyes widened and Michael was quick to reach out, brushing his hand against the boy’s shoulder. “Not like that dope. Ryan’s got that spot I’m pretty sure,”

“Oh,” Gavin said relieved but his cheeks were pink and Michael couldn’t help but think he looked adorable. 

“Yeah, so… I should,” he motioned towards the door.

“Yeah,” 

“Um, see you tomorrow?” he asked.

“Ahuh,” 

“Goodnight Gavin,”

“Night Michael,” 

Ray walked back in then, bumping into the redhead and apologizing before he finally shut the door and walked over to his bed. He sat down to face Gavin and noticed that the Brit was just staring at the floor. “Gavin?”

“Hmm?”

“Are you sure you’re okay with having a roommate?”

“Yeah,” he nodded quickly. “I just… I’m kinda surprised is all,”

“Why?”

“I’ve had a few sleep overs before, but no one's ever really… requested my presence for every day,” he shrugged.

“It’ll be fun,” Ray promised.

“We can paint our nails and have pillow fights,”

“Can’t wait,” Gavin deadpanned. 

“Anyway, I’m gonna head to bed, you staying up?”

“Nah,”

“Good, I’ll get the light,”

Gavin settled into his new bed, shifting around until he got comfortable with his back to Ray. He heard Ray shuffle back to his bed and get in and then the silence completely took over but Gavin found that he actually kind of liked it. It wasn’t the deafening silence he got in his room, the kind where his thoughts started crawling in and messing with him. It was kind of nice actually, knowing that someone else was only a few feet away if he needed them.

“Hey Ray?” he spoke up, voice louder than planned startling him.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for letting me room with you,”

“No problem,” 

It was silent again but then Gavin heard shuffling and turned himself to see that Ray was facing him, eyes shut because without his glasses he wouldn’t be seeing anything anyway. 

“Hey Gav?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for saying yes,”

“No problem,” Gavin smiled.

His day had started off shitty, and he thought it would only get worse from there, but he actually managed to have a decent conversation with Doctor Burns, he had people that were actually worried about him when he finally arrived back and now he got to room with someone he considered kind of a friend. 

He still hated this place, but if he was gonna be here for a while he might as well get used to the thought that he had people to sit with every day and talk to and he would just need to accept that he wasn’t getting anywhere until he started talking more. So maybe this was a small start. 

He’d just have to take it in stride for now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Real talk here. I started this story when I was in Junior year of high school and thought that romanticizing this stuff was 'cute' and 'trendy.' This of course is not true and I struggled for a long time on continuing this because I was worried about being offended or that maybe I was being insensitive about these things. And for a long time I completely planned on just discontinuing this story but I've received a lot of messages asking me to continue and I've thought a lot about it and I don't like not finishing what I've started so I will complete this. I guess I'm just trying to let you guys know that I know some of this is gonna seem absolutely ridiculous, maybe rude, maybe triggering and I apologize for that now. I'm gonna try not to make this completely idiotic but I just wanted you guys to know where my heads at with this. If any of you have comments or suggestions I would absolutely love to hear them. Thank you for being patient and thank you for reading.

**Author's Note:**

> So I hope you all enjoyed chapter one and I hope to hear from some of you guys soon. Any comments or suggestions are appreciated and encouraged. See you soon!


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